Put Up Your Dukes is a gripping epic of the parliamentary struggle that stymied British government in 1865-6, when Gladstone refused to pay for the housing of Queen Victoria's relatives at state-owned casties and palaces. "I will not," he told a shocked Defender of the Faith, "put up your dukes." You, too, will not be amused. I'm not going to break an old Crimson tradition by saying anything good about this latest Hasty Pudding Theatrical. At 12 Holyoke St. at 8 p.m., every night until March 27.

The Alchemist is among Ben Jonson's best plays, and perhaps the most frequently produced. The play moves fast and is--with no exaggeration--as funny as over. A healthy kind of comedy and one that will always come in handy for your English generals or even, perhaps, LSATs. Directed by Mark Moece, who took English 125 last year and so probably Sunday and next weekend at 8 p.m. on the Loeb Mainstage.

Mad About Mintz. On the basis of last year's successful Teeth of Mons Herbert, I can recommend this unreservedly. Phil LaZebnik is a farceur of great range, and Mintz--if it's half as good as the people working on it have told everyone--should be excellent. Don't expect anything to shed any light on serious questions of birth, copulation or death, but this might be the intellectual's alternative to the Pudding Show anyway, since you can hardly avoid seeing at least one farce this week. Tonight, tomorrow and Saturday at the Agassiz at 8:30 p.m., as well as next weekend.