The Harvard Squash team embarrassed the Lord Jeffs yesterday by sweeping all nine matches in front of Amherst's home crowd.

The handwriting was on the cold Amherst squash walls before Harvard even arrived. Amherst hasn't beaten Harvard in recent memory, and Cass Sonstein '76, the number four player said yesterday, "they're never very good."

Eight out of the nine racketmen won 3 straight games in their matches leaving the Amherst players wondering where the "young, building team" Coach Barnaby was supposedly bringing to Amherst was.

John Havens, one half of the 1-2 punch the Havens family sent to Barnaby this year, who plays in the number two position, beat his opponent without breaking a sweat.

"The courts were cold, and that's how I like it," Haven said yesterday. "In cold courts I can bang the ball around and set my man up for put aways. My opponent scrambled well for shots but he couldn't do anything with the ball."

Havens, who is amazingly only a freshman (or is it only an amazing freshman?), delivered a painless blow to his opponent which took only twenty-five minutes out of his day.

While Havens was cleaning up, Captain Jeff Weigand played Amherst student George McGovern. It wasn't enough that Amherst provided the South Dakotan Senator with Tom Eagleton the only vice-presidential candidate forced off a ticket in history, now they torture him by giving his namesake a squash racket and watching him embarrass himself in public.

To say Weigand won easily would understate the awesome attack he levelled against his opponent. Weigand allowed him only seventeen points in the entire match. The number five and six players, Mark Panerese and Ned Bacon, completed the sweep of the first round of four matches.

In the second round, Scott Mead secured Harvard's victory; which was never really in doubt after Weigand found the toll money for the Mass Pike.

Bill Kaplan, the number-one ball-banger, was the last to play. Kaplan and Amherst's number one man were both at interviews at Harvard Law School and drove out afterwards with Jack Barnaby.

Barnaby, who is to squash what John Wooden was to college basketball, must have kept his words of wisdom to himself, or else Arnold just wasn't listening. If playing smooth, accurate squash is what it takes to get into Law school, then Kaplan can go buy his Black's Law Dictionary today. Arnold, on the other hand, better start looking at some good business schools.

Sonstein, who rode out with Arnold and Barnaby, said Arnold admitted he didn't belong on the same court as Kaplan, and after yesterday's match, Arnold proved himself correct.