With a barrage of bottles, a slice of pizza and a cup of beer, the Crimson sports cube is pleased to present the first "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" quiz, questions and answers about that ice palace and hardwood haven on Causeway Street, the one and only Boston Garden.

You are awarded 25 points for reading this far, and you can score additional points by answering the questions without cheating. You get 34 points for each correct answer, but you must subtract two points for each one you miss.

A score of 50 or better entitles you to a free copy of the hit album "Red Sox Organ Music," as played by John Kiley, with Rico Petrocelli on the drums. Any score below 50, however, means that you have to sit in an obstructed-view seat for the duration of a Boston Bruins-California Golden Seals hockey game. You may Begin...

1. The Boston Garden was built to replace what existing sports structure in Beantown? (A hint, that structure serves up the best french fries in the Hub according to the connoisseurs of those tasty taters.)

2. Since Grimy Garden does not sell such delicious fries, can you identify what brand of hot dog is steamed to perfection there? How about the mustard?

3. The Michigan Tech pep band, bedecked in brown and yellow striped overalls, frequently played the former hit song "In Heaven There Is No Beer" during the NCAA hockey tourney. Can you sing the words?

4. There is no beer in heaven and there was no beer sold in the Garden at that tourney, but there is plenty of beer there when Boston's pro teams play in the Garden. Do you know the average number of ounces of beer consumed by the average Celtics fan? How about the average Bruins fan? How do these figures stack up with your Red Sox and Patriots fans?

5. What do the average hockey fans do with the empty beer bottles at the Garden? Name two recent hockey games when this happened.

6. Speaking of hockey, what team is the schoolboy champion of the state? Name the top line on that squad.

7. When the Bruins play at the Garden, what is the sell-out attendance? How many of those fans can see the entire rink from their seats? What are the dimensions of the rink? Who cares?

8. What is the grossest thing ever thrown on the Garden ice by a fan? (Hint, think of something really gross)

9. How many times has the Beanpot tournament been played in the Garden? How many times had Harvard won it?

10. Name two gifts that are given by Bruins TV color man Johnny Peirson to the notables he has just interviewed?

11. Speaking of broadcasters, the Celts have the immortal Johnny Most. Imitate him. (We trust you, award yourself points for a correct answer.)

12. What is the sell-out attendance for the Celtics in the Garden?

13. Satch Sanders played quite a few games in the Garden during his 13-year stint with the Celts, but he did not get the chance to coach there this season with Harvard. Why didn't Satch coach in the Garden? After all, Harry did.

14. Who sits behind the organ in the Garden? (Hint, he is reputed to play the fastest national anthem in the NHL and NBA) What kind of organ does he prefer to play?

15. Who is "The Screamer" and when does he work his magic?

16. Why are you reading this? See you at Fenway Park.

ANSWERS: (1.) Boston Arena. (2.)Colonial Franks and Gulden's mustard (3.) "In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here. And when we're gone from here, all our friends will be drinking all the beer."--recorded by Clean Living. (4.) Celtics fans, 4.0 ounces, Bruins fans, 7.7 ounces. Sox fans, 5.2 and Pats fans, 6.0 ounces of beer. (5.) Throw them. Bruins-Hawks, Malden Catholic-Southie. (6.) Malden Catholic. Fidler, Hughes and Goodwyn. (7.)15,003. Who knows? 191 ft. by 83 ft. (8.) A human fetus in a popcorn box. (9.) 23. six. (10.) Gift certificates at Mr. Sid's or a Seth Thomas Calendar Watch. Can you name more? (11.) Not bad. (12.) 15,315 (13.) The Beanpot hoop tourney was moved from the Garden to the campuses this year because of lack of attendance. (14.) John Kiley. Hammond X-66. (15.) He yells from the balcony at Bruins games.