(The author is a junior living in Lawell House.)

CAPTAIN Beefheart, Dan Van Vliet, twelve-year-old-genius-gone-wrong, had a scholarship to go to Europe to study sculpture. But his parents were worried he'd become a beatnik, so they moved next door to these nice folks in a nice residential town. The Zappas had a boy a little older than Don and they became good friends, listening to rock 'n' roll and driving around weekends together picking up peanutbutter.

But it isn't a matter of Zappa getting famous, then giving his buddy a lift. Their first albums came out simuhaneously in late '66. If the Mothers became popular and Beefheart didn't it wasn't because Freak Out! is better music. Those who've listened to Safe As Milk know that Captain Beefheart has the best, most ignored record ever made (maybe). Alex St. Claire's guitar on his first two albums is superlative, as is Captain Beefheart's amazing voice and harp. The bumper sticker that comes with Safe As Milk is alone worth the price of that album.

In concert last month, Beefheart played "Abba Zaba," one of the lesser cuts and it brought the audience to its feet. From the 2nd album, Strictly Personal, they played "Gimme dat Harp Boy." similar to but better than Spoonful and with Beefheart's excellent blues harp. From the third album, Trout Mask Replica (with a catfish on the cover), produced by Zappa (after Bob Krasnow and Blue Thumb records overproduced and cheated Beefheart) famous for Doug Moon's delta blues pickin' and Beefheart's singin' on "China Pig," they played "Big Joan Sets Up," a new version, "My Human Get's Me Blues" ("I saw you baby dancing in yer x-ray gingham dress. I knew you were under duress. I knew you under your dress. Keep on comin Jesus, you de bes' dressed.") Trout Mask was the first record of his to get any advertising which let a lot more people know about him, but many still don't take the music seriously.

SUNDAY after the concert, I was discussing it with some friends who missed it, and I said that Beefheart should play on the steps of Widener Library, or even be the President of Harvard (he could raise lots of money). Last year we suggested he play at Freshman Spring Weekend, but the planner told the CRIMSON that nobody had been interested, a filthy lie. In response to my comment, a nonbeliever said, "Yeah, and Wild Man Fischer can be a Dean of Something." See what I mean? Beefheart is a much-maligned genius: an advertisement he filmed for his new album Lick My Decals Off, Baby, was refused TV airtime because it was "obscene." (It consisted of a cigarette flipping through the air in slow motion, Rockette Morton walking across the screen with a sack over his head working a hand eggbeater, Beefheart kicking over a can of white paint in slow motion, and a shot of the record cover.) The refusal was less moral, entertaining, and enlightening than any toothpaste, shaving cream, laundry detergent, hair spray or feminine deodorant spray advertisement, another distinctive feather to add to the Band's proverbial cap or something. From this album they played "Doctor Dark," and "Woc-is-uh-me-bop," and "One Red Rose That I Mean." To prove Beefheart's seriousness, here are the words to "Space-Age-Couple":

Space-Age Couple Why do you hex your magic muscle? Space-Age Couple Why do you hustle and bustle? Why don't you drop your cool tom'foolery' n shed your nasty jewelry? Cultivate the grounds They're the only ones around. Space-Age Couple Why don't you flex your magic muscle? Hold a drinkin' glass up t' your eye

after you scooped up a little of the sky' n it ain't blue no more what's on the leaves ain't dew no more Space-Age Couple Why don't you just do that? Why don't you just do that?

Listen to Flash Gordon's Ape, or Beatle Bones 'n Smokin Stones which had the distinction of annoying both groups (the Beatles aren't dead and the Stones don't smoke).

I could write about Captain Beefheart forever. I could quote him: "There are only 40 people in the world and five of them are hamburgers," or "I may be hungry but I sure ain't here."

Wouldn't you like to meet a man like that? Well, he said before are left the stage that he'd be coming back. And when you hear he's coming back, be sure to get there early enough to get your tickets.