A Bowling Alley in Every Garage

It's about my bowling shoes. My nice white Hyde's lying in my closet day after day because I never go bowling.

Why must I put up with this cultural deprivation? If Harvard only provided a set of alleys, I could fill this void in my school life. If I care to bowl, I must get to Sammy White's in Brighton and pay $1.95 for three games. That's three-and-a-half boxes of Cap'n Crunch. And I have to buy Cap'n Crunch since the dining halls here don't provide it. Yale, supposedly number two, does serve Cap'n Crunch.

But back to the problem at hand-elitism. We are being bred as elitists, and taught to impugn the values of the middle class. Our bowling alley background is being purged from our consciousness, and we are subtly instructed to think of a bowling ball as a dirty thing. Take my roommate, for instance. When he was a high school student, bowling simply rounded out his secondary education. But since he's come to Harvard, he has not set foot inside a set of alleys, and says he has no desire to do so. He's been uprooted.

To Where We All Belong

It is essential at this point in our divided history that we mix with the middle class, and Middle America is calling from the bowling alley. That great Middle American in the sky, Richard Nixon, makes no secret of his love for the sport. He, his wife Pat, and Julie and Tricia used to bowl together regularly in the family's early life, and look what it's done for their values. I think we ought to go one step further on Mayor Vellucci's proposal to pave Harvard Yard and make it a parking lot. I say that once we have ourselves a nice lot, we build a bowling establishment right in the middle, where University Hall is.

We might take an example from our Mass Ave neighbors. M. I. T. has a nice set of alleys in its student center, and it costs students only 35 cents a game to use them. Each fraternity has a team in the league. If we could establish a league here, we could have a Super Bowl to determine the collegiate champion of Cambridge.

Eternal Hope Springs

There is some reason for hope, though. The word last night was that John Yovicsin, apparently enthusiastic about his new position as director of physical education, is looking into including bowling in his program. Yovicsin, whose telephone was busy last night, apparently realizes that no sport is a lifetime sport as much as bowling is. Presumably he will try to arrange an agreement between a local bowling establishment and Harvard so that those of us who wish a full education get it. This is the approach Mao has been using all along.

But that's the future, and today's the present, and Harvard's putting down my life style. It's a long time until summer when I can get back home to the leagues and get back that good feeling of my satin bowling shirt clinging to my ribs.