"We've lost three key men by graduation, two quit in favor of rugby, four were injured in our game with the Lampoon, and another resigned over our Vietnam policy," moaned Crimson sports editor emeritus Rhesus J. Portfolio after Saturday's unconvincing 23-2 victory over the Krokodiloes.
"Our taxi squad (the editorial board) is weaker than ever, and if we don't get some new sportswriters in a hurry we will be 21-point underdogs when we go into our game with the Yalie Daily in two months."
The situation is so desperate that the CRIMSON is ignoring Ivy League guidelines and sending its coaches all over campus in an effort to plug the gaps. Anyone at all interested in writing sports should come to the CRIMSON building at 2 p.m. today (or Wednesday) and ask for the sports department, which will greet all comers with open arms.
"The Bob Samuelson-to-Frank Robinson combination gave us all the scoring we needed Saturday, but the Krokodiloes are the Tufts of our schedule," sobbed the overworked Portfolio, looking to the tough season ahead.
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