Pity the poor English major. His troubles began with a retirement, were compounded by a departure, aggravated by a leave of absence to Stanford, and culminated by five Guggenheim Fellowships. The exodus leaves the department without Baker, Bate, Brower, Levin, Shannon, Guerard, and Rollins. So pity the poor English major as he tries to find a professor. Sorrow for him as he searches for courses with which to pass generals. Grieve for him as he looks for Modern Novels, Romantic Poets, Elizabethan Literature, Early Tudor Literature, Eighteenth Century Literature, Criticism, and Modern Poetry. Unloved, unwanted, and now uneducated--pity the poor English major.