When Kurt Gruber landed in a Soviet prison camp at the age of 18, he was pro-Nazi and anti-Russian. Now 29 and studying for a Ph.D. at Bonn, Kurt is still anti-Russian, but the peacetime years have made him violently anti-Nazi. In fact, despite the imminence of German re-armament, he is violently opposed to militarism of any kind.

One late summer afternoon, when the quiet streets of the new German capital were even sleepier than usual, our conversation turned to what I would be doing when I returned to America.

"Probably getting drafted."

"Ach, can you do nothing?" he replied, straightening up into the military at-ease posture which he had never been able to lose. "The army is so horrible. It is not a place for people."

Kurt Gruber is not alone among West Germans in his hatred for "the army." Youth, and many of their elders too, are trying to put a new face on old Germany-to rebuild it as a champion of peace and democracy in the free world, without arms. Unfortunately, this potentially powerful movement lacks organization and spokesmen even among the Socialists.

The genuine pacifistic nationalism (not neutralism) that is struggling with other ideological out looks in Germany today rarely comes to the surface in words or actions because it is too new, too strange, to fit into the rigid framework of ordered rationalizations that has long been "German mentality." Re-armament is necessary, given the threat in the East; the Nazis may never regain control. But the free world will suffer a great loss as soon as green tunics and jackboots come back to Deutschman-the embryonic power of pacifism will be smothered.

If allowed to grow, this new phenomenon could transform the historic character of Germany and give it a new role in the family of nations. The conflicting forces within the German people might be resolved. West Germany's economy does not need an armaments industry to prosper, and its standard of living is already on the upgrade. Non-militarized, the Germans could be a living example of a people who coveted, sinned, were punished, repented, and found fulfillment in living without weapons. Militarized, they may not become warmongers, but they will be precluded from playing that distinctive old. The tragedy is that Germany must be rearmed.

Last year study appeared on the attitudes of German Youth, financed by the Decutsche Shell Corporation. It had many of the failings of a pioneer work, but it did choose a representative sample to question, and one of its questions is especially revealing: "Would you like to be a soldier?"

Seventy percent gave a flat no, and only 28 percent said yes. Then those who refused were asked: "Would you be prepared to be a solider perhaps under special circumstances?" Forty percent of this group still refused, and over half of the remainder said they would be willing to serve only in a defensive role-hardly an auspicious beginning for a rebuilt military machine.

But if anti-militarism is so strong among the Germans, is there a chance that it may remain even with an army? Perhaps it will, but the signs point too much is in the wrong direction. Older people are too tired, too confused, too used to blowing with the wind. They are not likely to attempt to give effective expression to their feelings against armaments, once an army is created. The younger ones started their education with a handicap, only recently overcome by the few years of stability when they could begin to learn how fine a life without guns can be.

Soon they will learn to shoot and kill all over again. Perhaps the army will be "democratic," but it will be an army and will be run by men who served a brutal military tradition. Even now there are frightening sings, like the regrowth of duelling fraternities in the universities.

Today 5,000 young Hamburg workers can demonstrate against militarization, but where will their enthusiasm be after a year or two of green tunics and jackboots? And will they be able to demonstrate at all once an army comes into being?

The world, and the Germans, will lose much if the spirit of pacifism dies. To have an army and to nurture the spirit at the same time would be a desirable compromise. But it is doubtful whether the two can exist side by side.