I am the very model of a modern Nieman fellow.

I distinguish--among other feats--the color green from yellow.

Before I came to Harvard I'd been told the earth was globular,

Although to views securely held the news was discombobular.

In cultural pursuits I know that Joe's not Dom DiMaggio;

I'm equally a connoisseur of fox-trot and adagio.

I often use impressive words like onomatopoeia

(I think it's on the border 'twixt Rumania and Korea.)

My grounding is extremely good in general semantics,

Which has to do, I've been informed, with Tommy Manville's antics.

Then I can nearly always tell mint julep from grape jello--

An absolute prerequisite for every Nieman fellow.

I stratoplane with Shapley into spaces interstellar.

I crash land with the Boston Yanks deep down in the sub-cellar.

I follow with appraising ear the speeches of Gromyko.

I delve in liquid imports from P. R. (That's Puerto Rico.)

My tastes are always governed by esthetic standards stringent

Which rule out any contact with the Walker Street contingent.

In pedagogy, there's a view of which I'm an exponent:

Viz., Harlow ought to cut more ice than Prexy James B. Conant.

By now it should be plain to all I'm quite an intellectual.

To flout my claim to Harvard niche would hardly be effectual.

And when you add a genius for becoming mildly mellow,

You have that rare phenomenon, a model Nieman fellow.