Scuttlebutt is a form of verbal holiday with which many military establishments are afflicted. It is in all cases transmitted by the "O" (for oral) method, and is usually bruited about with a most exhilirating abandon.

Scientific minds have often sought an answer to the profound question: "Why is Scuttlebutt the second most popular pastime of military men?" (Don't get nosey, bud, by asking what's first.) As yet, this remains a moot question; no satisfactory solution has been offered.

As a result, the subject cannot be resolved into an academic controversy. It is our objective, in this case, to attempt to acquaint our readers with the basic elements of pure Scuttlebutt and allow you to draw your own conclusions.

Imagine, dear reader, the results accruing from such irresponsibility in reporting the weekly happenings, if such unverified rumors as follow below were to be passed on as the gospel truth!

Scuttlebutt: Company Baker (unverified, of course, but heard on good authority): . . . .

News of the week: Company Baker is all agog over the drastic plan for reorganization of the NTS rat-race . . . it is rumored that everyone is moving ashore the first of the month, with the possible exception of Company Dog . . . they're telling around that most of the local mugs will be billeting at the Commander in a surprise merger with the Supply WAVES!!! . . . Now, pleeeaaasee don't quote me, pal, but I heard a fellow behind me in our first class this morning and he was bumpin' his gums, giving his gang the row-down . . . Oh, yeah, all the classes are gonna be held in Memorial Hall, too . . . At least, that's my latest info on it . . .

New duty: For Hagg, none other . . . sources near the new muster-master intimate he will be shovin' off for the mine sweeping racket again . . . Understand, that's purely tentative, old man . . . Another possible change in the regimental setup, they say, would send O'Connor to Fisher's Island on probationary status . . . Sounds fantastic, of course, but it's fannin' the breeze anyway . . . I didn't believe it myself . . . of course, though you can ask some of the guys in the first platoon; they started it . . . And, confidentially, I think that's a lot of bull about O'Connor slapping Hansen in the late squad at colors the other morning . . . That's ridick, kid . . . Also entirely unverified is the latest story on Fearless Fosdick . . . From this corner, it looks highly problematical that the boy with take over the Regimental Reins Genesis of the rumor is questionable, and the whole thing could be relegated to pure conjecture, according to our usually informed sources . . . Take a pill with the current scuttle about Witt's joining the typing staff, too . . .

More of the same: It's being noised around that Brother (Call Me Pentode) Busch is making application to join the Radar Ranks . .. also floating is the news that several of the Baker boys will be held on as staff members . . . including Przychodzin, typing; Rossi, in the first morning class; Tommy Kennedy, third; and Butch Bratton, fourth . . . Strictly off the record is the dope that our boy Klein is on the inside track to take over as company commander, come the first when there won't be any More . . . ditto Hershie for assistant -- he's a wicked-worker when it comes to a watch bill . . . They're telling around Littauer that 240 of the 240-odd (!) members of the company asked for amphib duty, if the truth were known . . . Had a helluva time pruning down to 20!!! . . .

NOW, dear readers, in your spare time, analyze the foregoing items. If you recognize in them a semblance of verity, by all means, examine yourself. My friend, you will have succumbed to the insidious devices of Scuttlebutt Fever! For that's what this is, old man, that's what this is!