I was quite inspired and thrilled at the news in the Herald that "tree sitting" has supplanted goldfish consumption as a prize stunt at Harvard University. So here's to better and greater "tree sitters."

Dear Mr. Harvard Prexy

Why can't you do something for me?

I haint got the education

It takes to sit up in a tree.

I know Harvard is very Exclusive.

Its frats are hard to crash.

But tell me a way, dear professor,

Their goldfish record to smash.

How I envy those grand Harvard he-men

With achievements so perfectly fine

In swallowing goldfish and sitting up trees,

While all I can do is just pine.

For it must take a great deal of learning

So thrilling a champion to be