News Item: "Lautner Hits Jams in Harvard Square."

Ye bright and valiant knight yclept Sir Vagabond did brace himself for that full mighty deed. Ablution did he make within the chapel, and from the kindly priest did calm and courage take; and from the holy chalice imbibed deep draughts of the juice of the purple grape. His sturdy sword and buckler did he grasp, and kissed for the last time the dainty sleeve which to him his betrothed, the Lily Maid of Noanett, had bequeathed . . . the Lily Maid with lips so red, and bosom white as driven snow.

Full well knew he the dangers that were soon to beset him. One man to play at death with a myriad host of others. Ye wise and aged seer Merlin Lautner had clear envisaged for him the pitfalls that would of a surety bestrew his path. The field was full astir with the dread enemy, loud roaring for his pure blue blood. Summoning his last ounce of courage, and calling up for the final time the image of the virgin Lily Maid, he ran the gauntlet with a desperate rush.

Swift did bear down on him, with cry to freeze hot blood, a gargantuan charger. Then ran he whirling like ye maddened dervish into the very centre of the fray. Ye blue clad referee soft reclining in the white cupola far cross the seething field, was Sir Vagabond's ultimate goal a stead-fast symbol of safety was this man. Steel clashed on steel, the horns of battle did boom out loud and clear, and the knight with heaving breath and Herculean effort did clear himself a breach across the way, did with uncertain step attain the white cupola.

Then roared the crowds their deeply awed approval. Women fainted in the passion of their admiration. The fairest offered him their nuptial beds. All thought him Thor, the puissant god of war. For none before had crossed ve Harvard Square.