There lives in Winthrop House a young man suffering from a peculiar ailment. He cannot get up in the morning. For that matter, he can just barely get up in the afternoon. He just loves to sleep. Now sleeping is no rare ailment at Harvard. The peculiar quality about this young man's ailment is that ordinary methods do not arouse him from slumber. The most potent and heavy-handed alarm clock, placed only a few inches from his ear, startles everyone else on the floor, but to our young man it is as soft breezes sighing in the trees.

Apprehensive at the number of classes he has slept through, he has enlisted the help of his roommates. But to no avail. Cold water wets him, but does not wake him unless in sufficient quantities to float him. It only irritates him. Other means, such as giving him a hot-foot are similarly unavailing. Experimentation has shown that his ears simply do not function while he is asleep. But it also shows that, oddly enough, his eyes can be awakened while his ears slumber on.

Thus his roommates have found the solution. At the appointed hour, they swoop down on him and drag him up to a sitting position. Several resounding slaps will cause his eyes to open. Suspended from the ceiling so that it hangs just in front of his nose is a large-lettered sign which reads: "GET UP, YOU STUPID B-----!"