A Tragedy in Every Act Dramatis Personae

Sir Larry Hot-Theyrallhot, Miss Georgie Anne, Herr Wally von Dorf, Mr. Scintillating Splendid, and the three Zlunch brothers, Charlie, Jimmie and John--all members of the Club.

Mr. Paymore--new applicant for membership.

Scene

A kitchen in Kambridge. The members of the Club are assembled as a high court of inquisition. Sir Larry Hot-Theyrallhot presides, with a huge frankfurter for a gavel. The other members are sitting as a jury impaneled in a saucepan. Mr. Paymore stands before the bar of judgment.

Sir Larry (rapping for order)--Knights of the Greasy Spoon and Lady of the even more Greasy Spoon (with a smile and gallant bow to Georgie Anne), shall we admit Paymore to the rights and privileges of our illustrious order, the Amalgamated Association of Alimental Assassins?

Jury--Test him, Sir Larry!

Sir Larry--Know ye that every Alimental Assassin must comply with two conditions?

Paymore--I have heard it, Sir, Larry, and am prepared to submit my credentials.

Sir Larry--In the first place, the Alimental Assassins are mainstays of a highly intellectual community. It is our creed that every great work of the intellect proceeds from an empty stomach. Do you believe this?

Paymore--I do most heartily!

Jury--Bravo, Paymore!

Sir Larry--Secondly, every Alimental Assassin must refrain from unfair competition against the other members. Are your dishes greasy, Paymore?

Paymore--Greasy enough, Sir Larry.

Sir Larry--Are your employees disgruntled and sour?