In a steaming cafeteria

Works a seeming maid, Bysteria,

Wreathed in smells and tepid vapors,

Scowls and frowns at students' capers.

Poor of aim, she dabs and spatters

Gobs of food on outstretched platters,

While she sings, this humdrum scullion,

As she slings her hot slum-gullion:

With a slip, slap, slop,

I serve my hash and goo:

With a drip, drap, drop,

It spills all over you.

Potatoes, asparagus, spinach and peas, Tomatoes and cabbage, spaghetti and cheese:

I dip 'em and sling 'em--

My title is "Goo

Splasherette";

I flip 'em and fling 'em--

Move on! Or I'll do

Rasher yet!

The New Republic in a fearless expose says: "College students are more or less naughty. They have a good deal of experimenting to do." And if one doesn't believe it, here are the shocking details: "The coeds smoke. At Vassar, 433 of them." The wicked place! How long has this coed business been going on?

That impeccable magazine, Motion Picture Classic, disputes with Vanity Fair the right to tell the American people how to do what when. In a current advertisement it asks these questions of a baffled public:

"Do you know what is the correct procedure when a movie star is about to be pictorially married? Do you know what fashion dictates to be worn for an elopement with the other man? Can you descend from a burning building in perfect taste?"

If Motion Picture Classic would curry favor at the University, it is suggested that it ask and answer such questions as the following:

"Do you know what is the correct procedure when a professor fails to appear at eight minutes past the hour? Do you know what fashion dictates to be worn at parties in Big Tree? Can you rise and depart in the middle of a lecture which bores you with perfect, equanimity?"

In a recent lecture a Harvard professor said: "Lord Kelvin, while at the University of Glasgow, neglected his students and did a great many worth while things for the world." Many a professor has found it useful to observe Lord Kelvin's distinction between "students" and "worth while things".

It seems cruel to disillusion young and hopeful natures. The time has now come, however, when, in the interest of their progress in the useful arts, all Freshmen should be told that there is No such grade as "A".

No distinction to be gained by complaining of the food.

No sense trying to get a book at the delivery desk.

No "graft" course which is skid-proof.

No excuse for optimism.

Careful estimate by the law of probabilities shows that within the last forty-eight hours 105,710,619 people have asked: "What will the newspapers do for news now?"

"And Between Whiles Add a Line"

Dear People, dear Folks, I adore you.

I like you in brief, I am for you.

Humanity, Species and Race,

I love you all over the place!

Arthur Guiterman in the Satevepost.

Dull People, dull Folks, I ignore you.

I loathe you in brief, I abhor you.

White, yellow and African races,

I can't bear the sight of your faces! F.P.A. in The World.

Dull Studies, dull Books, I neglect you.

I shun you in brief, I reject you.

Ec., Psych, and Philosophy lectures.

You're nothing but specious conjectures: