IF any one is in need of an auctioneer to sell property, I can recommend a Western friend of mine whom I chanced to meet this year. While travelling, this summer, I was obliged to pass a night in a Colorado mining settlement composed of men of all nationalities, and it was there that I met my man, as follows :-

In the middle of an open space in the aforesaid settlement, there stood a thin, gaunt specimen of mankind, holding in his hand a weather-beaten hunting-case watch, whose virtues he was expounding thus: "My friends, I would call your attention to this elegant silver watch; but before asking for a bid I will give you a short history of its career, and show you some of its good points, so that you may see that you have a veritable treasure in your midst. In the first place, let me tell you that this beautiful timepiece was ordered by Lord Gladstone for Queen Victoria, when they were first engaged. My Lord, wishing the watch to be of unexceptionable excellence, had the case made in dear old Ireland [cheers from Irishmen], while the inside works were made on the sunny hills of Germany [cheers from Germans]. The Queen, after refusing many offers for the watch, finally exchanged it with the King of China for Hong Kong. The King of China, having a great respect for our beloved George Washington, made him a present of the watch on the latter's twenty-first birthday [cheers from the Americans]. George, always rewarding the brave, gave the watch to me after, as you remember, I shinned Bunker Hill Monument, and tore down the British flag. I would not part with the watch for worlds, but I have nine small children and a hungry wife to feed, and must raise money for their support.

"Now, if you will look this way, I will show you some of its fine points. In the first place, by touching a hidden spring, the cover over the face flies back and discloses the hours all beautifully engraved on a white background. Here, again, you see the hands, three in number and of different sizes. In the three hands you must recognize an especial advantage, for even if two hands get broken you still have one left to show the time; also you cannot fail to see the wisdom of having hands of different sizes, for, to a near-sighted person a large hand is of great utility, and vice versa, each person being able to find a hand according to his eyesight. Take the reverse side of the watch. By a graceful and easy pry with my thumbnail I open the cover. Let me here call your attention to this patent nail arrangement. It is so constituted that, by the act of prying the cover, a portion of the nail is removed, and you will readily see that by changing fingers in opening the cover, all necessity of cutting one's nails will be avoided, thus saving time and trouble. Upon opening this cover a second one is seen, having a similar nail attachment. This second nail business is merely a finishing touch to the first, and has never been known to fail. This second cover has, as you see, two holes, which serve as keyholes, the one to wind the watch, the other to turn the hands. To wind the watch, you simply put the key in the lower hole, and, whenever you have any leisure time, wind away. (The mainspring was broken.) You also see the advantage of being able to set the time to suit yourself, by means of the power to turn the hands in the upper hole. These holes serve also as a means of ventilation to the inside of the watch, thus keeping up a lively circulation. Now, my friends, what am I offered?"