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Freudigman & Billings, LLC is a full service educational solutions group based in Westport, Connecticut.

The arrival of October signifies a lot of things, but for a senior with early application deadlines (usually November 1), it can often be a harbinger of heightened levels of stress in a process that’s already stressful to begin with.

When it comes to the college process, as a whole, there’s a lot of advice out there that sends the message of “don’t be stressed.” Though well-intentioned, anyone who has guided students through the ins and outs of applying to college (and anyone who has been through the process themselves) can tell you that it’s unrealistic. Feeling stress is as natural a part of this process as boiling water is for the process of making pasta. Helping kids manage that stress, however, is a totally different kettle of fish and we’re here to provide some tips to help you help them handle the heat (we can’t help with pasta or fish, but we can help with college! And we do like cooking metaphors!).

1. Help your child create systems that allow them to be task-oriented. Do they still have a mountain of college essays to get through along with daily homework? Help them plan ahead. Having a list that tracks what needs to be done, what tools and steps are required to get it done, and by when it needs to be done can make all the difference. No matter how good your memory is, to-do lists and other comparable systems not only help you organize yourself, but also give you a greater sense of purpose and help you keep realistic perspective.

2. Respect your child’s space. The more your pepper your child with dates and deadlines and have everyone from your mother-in-law to the postman reading and giving feedback on their application essays, the more likely you are to heighten their anxiety and cause them to avoid responsibility instead of encouraging them to engage with it. Instead, ask things like “What do you need?” or “How can I help?”. This will let them feel support from you while keeping them in the driver’s seat. And yes, that means you might or might not get to see their essays.

3. Validate and affirm your child’s stress. This is an extension of the above. If your child says that they’re stressed out, don’t respond with “Oh, honey, don’t be stressed.” The reality is that your kid is probably more in touch with their own emotions than anyone else and as we said above, this is a stressful process.

Instead, engage with them even if (okay, especially because) it’s uncomfortable. Ask them what’s stressing them out. Similar to the above, asking what’s stressing them out and letting them know you’re there to help them is a huge first step towards helping a child manage stress.

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4. Try to keep routines as much in place as possible. This one is an extension of the above. It’s easy for kids and parents to obsess around dates and deadlines, especially when it comes to checkpoints along the way. Routines are comprised of important little touchstones, and remaining connected to them during stressful times will keep things pointed in the right direction.

5. Be mindful of your own behavior. It may always feel like your kid doesn’t listen to you, but they take more behavioral cues from you than you might think. If they sense that you’re anxious or stressed and trying to hide it, they’re more likely to engage in the same behavior. Similarly, when you’re talking about the process, refer to it as their process. Speaking in the first person (i.e. we’re looking at schools, we’re applying to XYZ University) dilutes your child’s ownership of their process. {related id=1338746 type=sponsored caption="Read more from The Admissions Series."}

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