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Let’s be real: wherever you go, there will be something that screams “tspmo” ( “this pisses me off,” for all you uncultured folks). That’s equally true at Harvard.

Hoarding Laundry Machines

Let us all remember that the machines take 30 minutes to wash and 60 minutes to dry, so if you can wake up to an alarm and take a test within that time frame, surely you can pick up your laundry on time. It is not that hard. Actually.

I shouldn’t be camping for an hour in the unventilated, steaming underground laundry room for you to come get your finished laundry. There are limited machines, and we have limited time. We can give you guys the benefit of the doubt, but I start drawing the line when the light on the machine literally changes from “open the door” to “1.75.” At some point, a girl’s gotta put her own needs first and toss your laundry on top of the machine. Sorry not sorry.

Electric Scooters Traveling at the Speed of Light in the Yard

What happened to “walking your wheels”? And why are you riding like you are Paul Revere? Can we at least get an “excuse me” or “on your right”? The number of times I’ve almost been run over by these diabolical machines is outrageous. If you wouldn’t walk straight into someone, then you probably shouldn’t be crashing into them either! I fear these e-scooters should require a driver’s license at this point (RIP to all you unlicensed New Yorkers).

Nosy Tourists

Listen. I know Harvard is a tourist attraction, and half the time, there are more tourists than students. Ironically, they are somehow more punctual to their 6 a.m. tours than I am to my 9 a.m. section. But mind you, I live and study here. So why are they judging me in my messy bun and mismatched PJs carrying a sack of laundry on a Saturday morning? Just because you caught me lacking doesn’t justify you just trespassing into my home. Someone get Macaulay Culkin on the line…

And the number of times I’ve opened my door and almost swung a gaggle of tourists off my steps has gotten to a ridiculous point. The purpose of a door is to be opened and closed, so if you wouldn’t stand in front of a random person’s door, please don’t in front of my dorm just because it is at Harvard. Mind. The. Gap.

Three Math Psets a Week

As if one pset doesn’t already make me upset, three a week?! You’re joking! On top of all that, I have pre-readings, pre-quizzes, and CAs grading like I owe them interest. What even is a 4.98/5?? I understand that math requires a lot of practice, but each problem labeled from A to Z and each of those subcategorized into “i”s is overboard.

Monday, Dec. 1

That’s it. This Monday will always — without a shadow of a doubt — capital P, capital M, capital O. PMO. It’s a day full of dread and disbelief at the fact that you are somehow back in your cold dorm room instead of your fluffy, cozy childhood bed. A day of bargaining with yourself about what is actually feasible within the next 48 hours before LDOC. Will that 30 page paper of mine be complete by Wednesday 11:59 p.m.? Will my organic chemistry midterm (another thing that PMO! Just call it a final, please) be my elimination mechanism? Uhh, your guess is as good as mine! Send thoughts and prayers.

Of course, this Harvard PMO List is to be continued, because you all keep doing things that raise the bar. (T)hank(s) (p)eople, (m)any of y’all r(o)ck.