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{shortcode-dd08abb0bb2b02bf4881baaa9fb305566107f8d4}his week’s advice column is focused on developing an essential skill for all Harvard College students — successfully securing an extension for an upcoming (or due, or overdue) assignment.
You might think you’ve seen all the plays in the book, but there are more where they came from (my second volume comes out in June).
In the meantime, enjoy my responses to real students’ messages, helping them resolve their most pertinent extension-related dilemmas.
Hi FM,
I have a midterm coming up on Monday, but I really want to take my girlfriend out on Saturday, which means we’ll be together all of Saturday night, and most likely all of Sunday as well. Any advice?
— Lazy in Leverett
Hi Mr. Lazy in Leverett,
I’m really glad you reached out. This kind of thing happens all the time. What you really want to do is make sure that your professor knows that you have put more energy into begging for this extension than into studying for the exam itself. Just like you would extend a grand romantic gesture to your girlfriend, your demonstration of your need and desire to take this exam at a later date must leave your professor feeling wooed.
Might I suggest renting out an air blimp with a custom message painted on it, such as “Extension?” or “Extension, Please? <3” The heart will add a nice touch and show your professor that you value them.
***
Hi FM,
I’m working on a fairly large final essay that’s due tomorrow, and I have a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m going to need another week to work on it. I just know that I do my best work when I have the time my inner artistic genius requires.
How should I go about asking for an extension? The syllabus specifically states that we must ask for an extension at least two days in advance.
— Delayed in DeWolfe
Well, hello there, Delayed in DeWolfe,
Everybody loves Christmas carols. And I hear that Christmas carollers are less expensive during the off-season. Hire a bunch of seasonally unemployed vocalists and have them gather right outside your professor’s house. You should join them as well. It doesn’t matter whether you can sing like Mariah Carey. Girl, I did this for a three-day discussion response extension — you can too. As long as you can convincingly lip sync along, your professor will be able to recognize your commitment to artistic excellence and academic harmony. Might I suggest performing a simple yet intoxicating tune, something like this:
Please Allow Me an Extension (to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”)
Please allow me an extension
Please allow me an extension
Please allow me an extension
To turn in my work
Please allow me an extension
Please allow me an extension
Please allow me an extension
And I’ll turn in my work
Good tidings we bring
Right to your front door
Good tidings for the Q guide
And a good survey score
Who needs a final essay when you have this kind of quality lyricism?
***
Hi FM,
I have a thesis proposal deadline coming up, and I’m meeting with my adviser about it this weekend. I’m really happy that they agreed to advise me on this because I look up to them so much, and they seem to truly believe in the importance of my project. However, I might need another week or two before I propose because I am so anxious about getting this right. I don’t have a solid academic reason for the extension, but I think it would give me the added peace of mind just to have a bit more preliminary research under my belt. Do you have any suggestions for me?
— Antsy in Adams
Hi Antsy in Adams,
Congratulations on choosing to undertake this significant academic endeavor! The fact that you already have a professor willing to advise you speaks to how much you have already prepared.
You should get coffee with this professor so you can sit down and talk this over. This meeting should ideally take place at a spot with real cups and real spoons, such as Faro Cafe on Arrow Street.
As you wait in line to order your drinks, make small talk with them to get them used to your voice. They will begin to associate your voice with the general coffee shop ambiance, with the calming jazz and new-age funk Faro likes to play on their in-house record player. Your drink should be unsweetened.
Once you’re both settled at the table, take a sip of your coffee. “My goodness, this could really use some sugar!” you exclaim. You get up to retrieve some packets from the front of the shop. When you return, your professor will probably have started on their drink already. Dump your sugar in, grab your teaspoon, and start stirring your coffee. Just keep stirring. Watch your professor’s eyes follow the little spoon round and round, round and round.
Once your professor appears to be in a trance-like state, you can begin with the art of suggestion. An extension would be really good for you. A little extension couldn’t hurt, right? You are such a hard-working student, and a few extra weeks of research will give your proposal the extra boost of substance it needs to succeed.
We don’t want your professor waking up from the trance and wondering why you’re stirring so aggressively. If such an event occurs, you can simply say, “This darn sugar just won’t dissolve! Organic, am I right?”
Hope this helps!
— Magazine writer Dannie C. Bell can be reached at dannie.bell@thecrimson.com.
