When, late at night, the moon clashes with Mars and the pull of the tide gets your girly business in a tizzy, all girls are thinking one thing: it’s five o’clock somewhere: namely in Los Angeles on November 3rd, when that burglar busted into Yasiel Puig’s house while he was at Dodgers Stadium losing to the Houston Astros in a devastating game seven of the World Series. Rough night! When the world gets you down, any bad betch knows how to put one back. Put the weight of the world behind you, I mean, and go for a long, head-clearing walk. But when you come back and get down to your normal evening of painting your nails, looking at pictures of horses, and playing solo Madden, or whatever stuff you girls do, you might want a nice estrogen-y cold one to slurp it all down with. If you’re looking for a classic femme drink, you’ve come to the right place.

Whisk-She Sour

1 1⁄2 oz bourbon

3⁄4 oz. fresh lemon juice (Lemonade is a good substitution!)

3⁄4 oz. simple syrup (1 part water, 1 part sugar)

3 cherries

1 lime wedge

1 drop pink food coloring

Rocks

You’re a girl, that means you like girl stuff. Why else would Gillette make pastel razors and hike the standard price by 20 percent? Two words: Lady. Business. Ever had a Whiskey Sour? Of course not, you’re a girl. But—you’re welcome!—here’s your chance. Nothing says girl more than a Whiskey Sour when you put pink in it. Swag on this, high heeled friends!

Jill and Coke

2 oz. Jack Daniels

10 oz. Coke

10 drops pink food coloring

Cocktail umbrella

Listen, sometimes the squad’s posted up on a Friday, internet shopping on your phones, doing p-sets on the fly or, like, showering. You know what I mean, the girl vibes. And you just want to pop one back with your ladies. Pink style. Here’s my pitch: a little Coca-Cola, a little Jack Daniels, one of those tiny umbrellas that makes you think, “Hey, what if there was a little guy so small he actually used this umbrella to stay dry? Unreal, that would be cute as hell.” We don’t want a guy drink, so throw in some pink stuff, and ladies, that’s a GNO.

Mos-Gal Mule

Half a lime

2 oz. vodka

4 oz. cold ginger beer

100 drops pink food coloring

Ice

My good man José Canseco once said, “The reason I am the way I am is that I know the secret of life. And the secret of life is this: You fall down. You get up. That's it. It doesn't get any simpler than that.” Right on, my man! That guy knew how to get juiced. Let’s chow down on some girl drinks, Canseco-style. This one’s a feminine twist on a classic. Ginger-lime. Ice. Pink. What else could you ask for? The Equal Rights Amendment hasn’t passed, but that’s lame anyway.

Beer for Girls

1 beer

100000000000000000000000000000 drops pink food coloring

Y’all like to nurture stuff right? Nurse this! We all know beer’s for the boys, but try this one on for size. It’s cute, it’s pink, it’s girly. Best served on a hot afternoon, when you’ve been doing your lady thing, holed up at that corporate law office tryna get Justin from Communications to finish up on his end. You just wanna file that amicus brief already! Nothing says girl’s drink better than this, my girls. Party on, Elaine!