It is fall. It is time to refuse the shackles of heavy down jackets and throw on the most world-renowned, freedom-enforcing, time-honored and life-improving article of clothing: the vest.
Fall brings the 700 percent increase in the number of #autumn pictures on your Instagram, the invasion of pumpkin flavoring, and the necessity of blowing your nose a lot due to your seasonal allergies. What do all of these activities have in common? They improve significantly when you have full range of your elbows. It’s easier to enjoy your pumpkin spice latte when your arms are not being held captive by your puffy-sleeved coat. With this kind of freedom, it’s a disservice to wear anything else.
Let’s face it. You really like your arms. They hold your backpack straps in place, they offer a convenient area to check your pulse, and they keep your shirt on the right way when you barrel roll down a huge hill. No other body part can claim that level of importance. And so we argue the case for the vest—the article of clothing that gives your most important upper-body extremities the freedom that they crave. Revel in the freedom of your arms. Wear a vest.
Consider the proud and stylish vest-wearers that have gone before you—barbershop quartets, cowboys, player 1 sporting a ballistic vest in Modern Warfare. Recognizing the incredible fulfillment of a warm torso and mobile arms, the likes of Aladdin, Shrek, and Doug Funnie have donned vests over the years. Would Aladdin have been able to defeat Jafar in a J. Crew peacoat? No.
Just look at the non-vest wearers of the world—the NSA, Voldemort, most members of Congress. When they feel warm, they wear a shirt, sans jacket. When they get cold they put on outerwear with sleeves. Where’s the excitement, the flexibility, the respect for fundamental rights? Where are the arms?
Wearing a vest says something about your values overall. Mainly that you were too warm for a normal jacket. But also that you are a fashion-forward creative thinker with big dreams and plans to save the world from a lack of #fallfoliage pictures, which you will no doubt accomplish with your incredible work ethic, overwhelming talent, and free arms.
