As the 375th anniversary celebration approaches, the hallowed halls of Harvard Yard are abuzz with rumor and anticipation. What could we expect from the University’s commemoration of three whole eighths of a millennium of greatness? Our resident analysts predict:
375 = E – 2P + 30S + N + T
Attendees are invited to enjoy dessert and “view the alumni, House, and graduate school parades.”
E = Anticipated entertainment value = 0.
Before the main event, we’ve been promised “a festive dinner with a menu echoing historic Harvard occasions”: an anonymous source close to HUDS leadership has leaked that the “Great Butter Rebellion of 1766” will be among those recalled.
P = Cases of food poisoning anticipated from eating butter that was made in 1766 = 175.
“Creative party dress appropriate to the season is encouraged.”
S = Number of undergrads that interpret this as an invitation to show off the “Slutty Larry Summers” costume they’ve been putting together for Halloween = 10. (Us.)
Yo-Yo Ma ’76 is promised to appear in a “short musical program enhanced with video and special lighting.”
N = Number of attendees who are really into the strobe lights and video montage of cats doing human things = 420.
We’ve been promised that the night will end with a “birthday cake moment.”
T = Minutes it’ll take Drew Faust to blow out 375 candles = 5.
