9:53 p.m.
After an hour on Facebook, you’ve finally packed your laptop, overdue books, and Vitamin Water. Lamont Café awaits you.
10:49 p.m.
It’s been nearly an hour, and things haven’t been too bad. Besides the four times you checked your Gmail and realized no one loves you, you’ve read through the prompt for your paper and you’ve started your outline. Good job!
11:41 p.m.
Oh look—it’s been almost two hours and, no, you haven’t really started yet. At least you’ve written “Introduction” at the top of your outline.
12:18 a.m.
The guy behind you is having a loud conversation with a girl you recognize from your Expos class. Maybe a trip to the Café counter and a cup of black coffee might help you focus. Doesn’t matter if you drink coffee or not; just spend the two bucks.
1:04 a.m.
At this point, you’re so jittery that you begin to contemplate some of the bigger questions in life, like: “Why did I decide to take this English Gen Ed?” Or: “Why did I choose Harvard?” You might even start to ask yourself, “Is this real life?” Don’t panic. Just head to the vending machine with $3.00 in hand to pick up a 5-hour Energy drink.
3:20 a.m.
Why is that guy still talking so loudly? Anyhow, you are now successfully on the sixth of ten pages. You’ve begun to identify the penguin in the novel as a symbol of socialism in European governments. Your left eyelid has developed a habit of shutting on its own every two minutes.
5:39 a.m.
This is the point of the night where I Saw You Harvard, Harvard FML, Facebook and Gmail finally cease to excite you. Your delirium has condensed into giddiness, and you’re getting high off writing your footnotes. You might not be able to feel your face, but your TF will adore the look of your “Sources” page. You’re on Page eight.
6:41 a.m.
Now that the sun has risen, your bathroom-visit count is up to seven.
7:18 a.m.
Page 10. It’s done. Your paper is finally done. You look up the shuttle schedule to find when the next shuttle to the Quad is so you can shower and change and be a human being.
11:48 a.m.
You wake up from the nap you didn’t plan to take. Your paper was due in class at 10 a.m. Better luck next time...
