Only a Harvard professor could make eating chocolate look nerdy. David A. Edwards of the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences has recently developed Le Whif, an inhaler that dispenses miniature molecules of zero-calorie chocolate. Interesting? Yes. Useful? Not so much. Let’s face it—what’s the point of chocolate if it doesn’t come in a pint of J.P. Lick’s or a Chocolate Decadence cake from Finale? We think Professor Edwards should show his school spirit and pump out some other products we’d rather Le Inhale—15 actually.
1) Rubinoff
Yes, it’s ten dollars, but so is a bottle of nail polish remover. Save yourself the freshman year trauma of pounding shots of acetone.
2) Caffeine
Time: 4:53 a.m. Word Count: 12. Lamont Café: closed.
3) Crack(berry)
Friends pestering you about ‘BBM’ing during dinner? Hiding in the bathroom to check your e-mail? Get your fix without turning into that guy.
4) Fresh Air
Lamont Café may have floor to ceiling windows, but that doesn’t mean you’re any closer to the outdoors. Comes in California Cool and Miami Madness for those planning on hibernating in the winter.
5) Felipe’s Burrito
For when it’s 1:59 a.m.
6) Liquid Courage
See Rubinoff
7) Hot Breakfast
If the houses won’t serve it up, someone has to.
8) Adderall
Hey, we’re not condoning drug use, but we have P-Sets and we have them now.
9) Airborne
Who wants fizzy, vomit-colored stuff in their water? Then again, who wants swine flu?
10) Niall Ferguson’s Shampoo
A deep breath of perfection.
11) SlimFast
See number 5. You want your parents to recognize you when you come home for Thanksgiving.
12) Mankiw’s Mojo
The Hot Turkish Girl knows what I’m talking about.
13) Drew Faust’s Powers of Seduction
You don’t get to be president of Harvard for nothing. Goodbye, Larry Summers.
14) Jungle Juice
When you just want to cut to the roofie-laden chase with those lovely Delphic boys.
15) Weed
Because you really need to control the smell since Kirkland went all NYPD Blue.
