Halloween’s tomorrow, and if you’ve treated finding a costume like you treated that paper last week, we’re guessing you haven’t even started yet. Lucky for you, FM is here to help with a few last-minute, and FREE! Halloween costume ideas.
1) Britney Spears, as in “beginning of the ‘Womanizer’ video Britney Spears.” Wear nothing. Be shiny.
2) The slutty college student. Wear whatever you usually wear on a night out. Actually, wear what people at other colleges wear on a night out.
3) Your roommate. Steal clothes from him/her.
4) Chuck Bass. Toss on your sweater vest and talk in a hushed, threatening, but irresistible voice. Look angry, act rich.
5) A hobo. Strive for the hobo smell: dig through your laundry basket and choose the items with the most holes.
6) Zebra with a sunburn. Tape this issue of FM to yourself.
7) Joe the Plumber. Shave your head; express concern about the future.
8) Any Harry Potter character. Leave your robe at home so you can blend in with all the Muggles.
9) Homi Bhaba. Wear a jacket with twenty buttons down the front and a silk scarf.
10) An environmentalist. Wear that “Green is the new Crimson” shirt you got for free last Wednesday.
11) The cheap college student. Same as above.
12) Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne/Kanye West. Find a female friend to follow you and repeatedly say, “No one on the corner has swagga like us.”
13) Michael Phelps. Strip down to your tighty-whities—basically the same as a speedo—and eat a lot.
14) A mummy. The free toilet paper in your House’s Super’s office was made for this. And wiping asses.
15) The Spare Change News guy. Wave around FM and tell everyone how beautiful they look. Don’t expect a single cent or instance of eye contact.
