The CUE Guide that we knew and loved, the CUE Guide that nurtured us, the CUE Guide that we occasionally filled out since it went online, is no more. In its place is now a rookie named Q, and it’s time to haze the new guy. On that note, FM requests that its readers give the following responses in the appropriate comment field for each class mentioned. If we’re lucky, we’ll confuse members of the Class of 2012—some of them might even cry!
1) Science B-47, “The Molecules of Life:” “The professor had difficulty teaching about the ‘molecules of life,’ as he was actually a lifeless, humanlike robot.”
2) Science A-43, “Environmental Risks and Disasters:” “The teaching staff’s tendency to spontaneously break into poorly choreographed song-and-dance routines was very distracting.”
3) Social Analysis 10, “Principles of Economics:” “Gregory Mankiw often challenged students to ‘get up here and duel me like a real man.’”
4) Moral Reasoning 22, “Justice:” “Sandel is soooo fuzzy!”
5) Lit and Arts C-14, “Concepts of the Hero in Greek Civilization:” “Scat porn was skillfully and usefully integrated into the homework assignments.”
6) Lit and Arts B-21, “The Images of Alexander the Great:” “Scat porn was too often integrated into the homework assignments.”
7) Quantitative Reasoning 28, “The Magic of Numbers:” “I especially enjoyed how the professor would respond to questions during lecture by killing the questioner with a single, well-thrown ninja star.”
8) Physics 191r, “Advanced Laboratory:” “While I thought the time machine we invented would be used only for good, I have reason to believe it will soon be used for evil.”
9) Quantitative Reasoning 50, “Medical Detectives:” “The professor’s frequent threats to ‘Create a new medical mystery when I kill you without leaving a mark’ were slightly unnerving.”
10) English 10a, “Major British Writers I:” “The professor spent two classes lecturing on imaginary numbers in algebra, which made no sense.”
11) Mathematics 1a, “Introduction to Calculus:” “The professor spent two classes lecturing on the use of rhyme in Chaucer’s poetry, but I didn’t notice until someone pointed it out to me.”
12) Economics 1010a, “Microeconomic Theory:” “Microeconomic theory? More like macroeconomic theory! Am I right?!?”
13) Anthropology 1130, “Archaeology of Harvard Yard:” “Look, we found a corpse near Matthews, but the professor swore us to secrecy. I think something weird is going on around here and—what’s that noise? YOU?! AHHHH! MUST...SUBMIT...COURSE EVALUATION!”
14) Life Sciences 1a, “An Integrated Introduction to the Life Sciences:” “Are we supposed to be dissecting human cadavers already? Because that’s all we did after the intro lecture.”
15) History 10a, “Western Societies, Politics, and Cultures: From Antiquity to 1650:” “Every time any of these professors speaks, I slip into a coma, fall out of my chair, and crack my head on the desk of the person sitting to my right.” N.B.: this is an actual course evaluation.
