1) In times of trouble, you rely on: a) God b) Friends c) Yourself d) Ferrets 2) It is 10
By Aria S.K. Laskin
May 17, 2007
1) In times of trouble, you rely on:
a) God
b) Friends
c) Yourself
d) Ferrets
2) It is 10 a.m., and your alarm clock is going off. Now what?
a) 10 a.m.? No!!!! Half the day is gone! I am so bad at life!
b) I can’t study on an empty stomach. Go to the dining hall and shmooze ‘til lunch (ends).
c) I sing along to my alarm, just to confirm I still have a voice.
d) Bedtime.
3) If you had to capture your study style in a song title, it would be…
a) “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead.”
b) “How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”
c) “The Last Word In Lonesome Is ‘Me’”
d) “Stars Are Blind” (see Paris, released in 2006)
4) What class keeps giving you the hardest time?
a) All of them. I’m SO behind. I’ve been in Lamont for three days. I work harder than I have to so I can fill my otherwise empty life with meaning.
b) Bits. How can I study when I’m too busy distracting everyone else from studying? I wish I wasn’t so damn popular.
c) None of them. I just wish my legs hadn’t atrophied...my arms are getting tired from the trip between my bed and the desk.
d) Moral Reasoning.
5) Reading period? More like…
a) Reading period.
b) Reading period.
c) Reading period.
d) Drinking (and driving) period.
Solutions:
If you chose mostly A’s, you’re study style is...“Library Loser.” You nab a seat in Lamont/Widener/Cabot for the duration of reading period, and leave only occasionally to shower/eat/masturbate. Your life sucks, but you knew that already.
If you chose mostly B’s, your study style is...“Dining Hall Ditz.” You sit in the dining hall amidst a growing heap of half-eaten bagels and half-finished cups of coffee, and you spend more time complaining about how much you work you have than actually doing it. The thing is, I am sitting next to you. And it is annoying. So shut up.
If you chose mostly C’s, your study style is...“Debbie at my Desk.” You don’t see the point of leaving your room, because everything is already in it. You probably spend a lot of time playing TextTwist and napping in between pounding out essays, and there is a 95% chance the last person you interacted with was the annoying Dining Hall Ditz (see above) you mistakenly encountered when you left your room three days ago. Big mistake!
If you chose mostly D’s, your study style is...”Jail.” You probably got caught driving drunk in September, spent the next seven months violating your probation, and are now shocked that a triple threat like yourself may be considered an actual threat to society. You are probably afraid of being violated. What you don’t know is that your new roommates have all already watched “One Night in Paris,” and they're kind of, um, not interested.
