1) Skip the shower on Sunday morning before you leave for that walk of shame; you’ll be saving water even if you’re not saving face.
2) Burn the midnight oil—literally—and do your calculus by candlelight. Accuse your TF of environmental insensitivity if he downgrades you for wax drips.
3) Unplug your “personal massager.”
4) Unplug your other “personal massager.”
5) Turn off the heat in all the rooms in your entryway and count how many days it takes for your house to start looking like Narnia.
6) Keep the heat in and the cold out by closing the windows and the blinds—keep annoying exes out by closing your eyes and pretending you don’t hear the pounding at your door.
7) Wage a war on energy leaks. Assignment one: Kick down next door neighbor’s door and rip out his alarm clock from the socket. Apparently polite Post-Its about his blaring alarm are ineffective.
8) Get a dining hall dog to help with the no-potato-left-behind effort.
9) Shut off your computer when you go to sleep. For real, the screen saver doesn’t save shit.
10) Use the green-handle toilets for water conservation. If you don’t see green, you have permission not to flush.
11) Steal bulbs from Lamont’s fifth floor lamps and leave a note: “No Studying after Daylight hours.”
12) Wash everything on cold cycle. Just do it.
13) Start a group in each house devoted to environmental issues...oh wait, never mind.
14) Shame the house with the most waste with public tar and feathering, or just yell “Garbage House!”
15) Change your name to Spring Greeney Jr. and become an awesome environmentalist!
