Are you tired of working in a ten-inch square region of desk because the narcoleptic beside you is sprawled over the entire table sleeping? Seethe no more at those inconsiderate, space-wasting souls—instead, get even:
1. Drag him to the stacks and arrange a rendezvous for him on BoredatLamont.com.
2. Create or end his relationship on Facebook.com.
3. Dot all the i’s in his problem set with hearts.
4. Hire a homeless person to fall asleep at his desk in his room.
5. Use his ID card to buy yourself sushi at the Cafe. Then spike his latte with the wasabi.
6. Get the entire room to play the “penis game” using his name.
7. Set him on fire.
8. Sit directly across from him and gaze intently into his face. Breathe heavily. When he wakes up, blush furiously and look flustered.
9. Glue his laptop to the table.
10. Slip a few eyebrow-raising titles into his bag. Try “Dearest Pet: On Bestiality” and “A Manual of Tests for Syphilis.”
11. Dye his hair. Rinse and repeat.
12. Set his watch/computer clock back an hour.
13. Glue his laptop to his lap.
14. Prank call his mom repeatedly.
15. The old hand-in-warm-water trick—come on, you’ve always wondered.
