The only thing more upsetting to watch than Harvard getting owned at last year’s Harvard-Yale football game was the naked MIT boy running around the field. Well, the joke is on you, MIT. Your streakers are not attractive. Here are 15 people we’d actually like to see nude in New Haven:
1) Dean Pilbeam. The man must have a nice body, what with his abstaining from alcohol and the workout he gets from killing parties.
2) Domna. A regular at Hemenway gym, and she also works off calories by booting tourists and ID-less freshmen.
3) President Drew Faust. Kick those other three Ivy League female presidents off that Glamour cover with your stunning looks. And then run naked around Yale.
4) Larry Summers. Boys may be better at math and science, but are they better at streaking across football fields? We’ll decide that, Larry. You have fierce competition.
5) President Ryan A. Petersen ’08. Running alongside Faust. They do kind of have matching hair.
6) Matthew L. Sundquist ’09. You may be running uncontested, but let’s see you run naked.
7) A Lamont Security Guard. Now let’s see what they’re hiding.
8) N. Gregory Mankiw...although on second thought, that seems like way more cost than benefit. Clothes on!
9) The True Love Revolution team, because we can only assume that you guys are getting a lot of exercise, or running around a lot.
10) Lena Chen ’09, because we assume you too are getting a lot of exercise, if of a different kind, and because you have to make a requisite appearance on any list about Harvard nudity.
11) Peter C. “Petros” Shields ’09. The boy can apparently make his body glow.
12) Claude, head of Kirkland maintenance. You can maintain us anytime.
13) Dean Michael D. Smith. You have a generic name and face. You probably also have a generic body, but we’d like to see for ourselves.
14) Michael J. Sandel. Make your case for perfection and make it a good one.
15) Another MIT boy. To make us feel good about ourselves.
