1) Are you ineligible for Medicare, but still wear a bowtie regularly? +1
2) Do you claim it’s ironic? +4
3) Have you ever tipped a fedora at a rakish angle over your left eye anywhere but in a ’50s noir film? +3
4) Was it, in fact, on the way to Expos? +10
5) Do you own a shirt that claims your preferred political party or social justice issue is “sexy,” “hot,” or “for lovers?” +6
6) Socks: necessary for loafer wearing? If not, +3
7) If you wear loafers, sans socks, while skateboarding to class...please, don’t breed. Also, +11
8) Do you keep missing the shuttle because you wear stilettos every day, but have never managed to learn to walk in them? +3
9) Are you unable to resist flaunting your extraordinary night vision by wearing your Ray-Bans inside? +6
10) Do you still wear multiple polo shirts at a time, all collars popped? Because that’s just sad. +0
Scoring Guide:
0-5: Congratulations! Your few sartorial quirks are inoffensive enough to seem charming, instead of a symptom of some terrible Urban Outfitters-borne disease.
5-10: Once a day, someone watches you walk by and thinks, “What an asshole.” However, there’s a pretty good chance that person’s style is worse than yours, so don’t worry too much about it.
10+: PLEASE STOP.
Inspired by Vanity Fair's "Asshole Footprint."
