1) Sue Starbucks for the nerve damage their coffee gave you over the course of your four-month binge.
2) Get a part-time job to make up for the money you spent at Starbucks over the course of your four-month binge.
3) Talk to people. Not about your thesis.
4) Go to the stacks. Offer sex to anyone you meet.
5) Meet all of your Facebook friends before
commencement.
6) Sit in the dining hall every hour it is open for one week straight.
7) Have a BBQ in your house SCR. See if anyone notices.
8) Work on your post-thesis tan.
9) Stay away from friends still writing their theses. You are the enemy.
10) Train for the 2010 Winter Olympics. One word: Curling.
11) Go to section naked. Let it be your one contribution to the discussion.
12) Beat the Chess Master. At chess.
13) Go to office hours. Set things on fire. Exit.
14) Create a yodel-centric, cow-bell heavy performance art piece. Pretend it is a VES thesis.
15) Eat as many subsidized meals as possible before you’re forced to subsist entirely on Ramen and breakfast cereal.
16) Occasionally blurt out T.S. Eliot poems.
