House: Winthrop
Concentration: English and American Literature and Language and Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies. Eat it.
Hometown: Mequon, Wisconsin
Ideal Date: Pick up a bottle of wine. Head back to my place. Climb into bed. Whip out our laptops. IM until sunrise.
Best way for a guy/girl to get your attention: Accost me. I’ve got problems with focus, but I can’t ignore an attack.
Where to find you on a Saturday night: Crying/masturbating in my common room. Watching Law and Order SVU. Using my own tears as lubricant.
First thing you notice about a guy: The degree to which he looks like Peter Martinez.
Your best pick-up line: That I use? Mostly I just go ahead and say, “If you think Harvard’s endowment is big, you should see my cock.”
Best or worst lie you’ve ever told: Sometimes at night I get naked and climb into Amy Heberle’s bed. I say, “Oops! I forgot where my bed was again!” That is a lie.
Something you’ve always wanted to tell someone: I’m not big on sharing. I stick to social niceties and repress the rest.
Favorite childhood toy: My Uzi, full sized, 9mm sub-machine gun.
Best part about Harvard: NO PARENTS!!!!!!!!
Worst part about Harvard: The low thread-count sheets at Stillman.
How you got your name: It was my grandmother’s. She’s dead now. Thanks a lot.
Describe yourself in three words: Made In Vagina.
In 15 minutes you are: Starting my Saturday early.
In 15 years you are: Graduating. With honors. Eat it.
