A smorgasbord of singers—Kroks and Dins, Pitches and the Hasty Pudding Theatrical Company—headed to Bermuda over the break, where festivities included flip cup, sunbathing, and really, really obnoxious singing. Less predictably, we hear some sapphic shenanigans broke out among the apparently amorous Pitches—whom, we should note, were the only ladies on the trip. Water, water everywhere, not a drop to drink…

—Michael M. Grynbaum

APRIL FOOLS

Though most of their spring break world tour was spent in the Great Plains, members of the Glee Club took pains to make the trip exotic, doing fun things like making their girlfriends have nervous breakdowns.

One member took the April 1 opportunity to come out to his girlfriend via long-distance telephone call. After seven minutes of sticking to the story, he broke the news. “April Fools!” he told her. “I’m actually just a regular old member of the Glee Club.”

Why that made her feel relieved is almost as unclear as what part of the telephone call constituted a “prank.”

—Elizabeth W. Green

HAPPY DAYS

A cheery 1950s-themed brunch in Currier House, complete with root beer floats, foot-long hot dogs, and a jukebox blasting “Johnny B. Goode” suddenly turned grim when the slideshow projecting vintage posters onto the dining hall wall flashed a questionable promo for Persil Detergent. “For Coloureds too!” the ad boasted, explaining in small print that it was actually, honestly, just talking about colored clothing.

Another Persil ad, wisely left out of Currier’s slideshow, claims it “washes whiter—that means cleaner!”

—Leon Neyfakh

GQ: “YOU SUCK, HARVARD”

The “meaningful” men’s magazine named us one of the 10 worst sports schools in the country. Good thing we don’t give a shit about school sports.

—MMG

MAKIN’ IT HARD ON GIRLS?

Thanks to the vast array of Harvard bodies that made their way to Spain this Spring Break, the primal urges of most were satisfied with a healthy dose of incestuousness.

But for one former Detur Book Prize winner on the trip, his own school’s selection of soft bodies apparently wasn’t enough—he was spotted on the streets of Barcelona seeking the advances of one of the women of the night. Undeterred by her reputation of ill repute, the Dunster House junior flew in to show off his game and see if he could whittle down her, uhh, price, before closing the deal.

However, before the two star-crossed lovers could engage in the international language of love, the young man’s friends pulled him away, noting that the woman of his dreams was actually not a female per se. Hopefully next time before this Derby-lover jet sets to Europe he will make sure that everything is in the proper working order under the hood when looking for the woman of his dreams. Or that he works harder at getting a bargain.

—Evan R. Johnson

Foozled? Bamboozled? Send hot tips, searing gossip, and all requests for dates to FMGadfly@yahoo.com.