stinging rumor, swollen innuendo.
HEMOGLOBIN’!
As if attending school here weren’t reason enough, administrators have given Harvard students yet another good excuse to slit our wrists. The American Red Cross, always one to capitalize on a good rivalry—terrorism versus freedom, man versus nature—will pit Elis and Cantabs in a competitive blood drive that’s sure to settle once and for all which school has the most blueblood running through its veins. As always, gay blood not welcome. (No, no, it’s true! After all, it is the Red Cross.)
Michael M. Grynbaum and Zachary M. Seward
THE KING IS BACK
Students still searching for that perfect gut should head to the Carpenter Center today at 1 p.m. for round two of “American Film Criticism” with visiting lecturer Elvis Mitchell, who regaled students last year by drinking with Bill Murray during class and assigning no reading for the entire course.
Last semester “Professor” Mitchell went from star film critic at The New York Times to, as Larry Summers characterized him in an interview last spring, “Who?” How far will he fall this time around?
If the first class is any indication, pretty fucking far. Our spies report that, true to form, the dreadlocked critic delivered a threadbare syllabus and a rambling lecture on “pretty much whatever he felt like talking about.” Added another attendee, “Pootie Tang may or may not have been mentioned three times.”
MMG and ZMS
INNATE DIFFERENCES
It seems that Harvard Law students are having just as much trouble finding fun on a Friday night as their College counterparts. After watching more attractive female undergrads sashay into Daedalus while they were denied entrance, two male HLS students called HUPD and the Cambridge police, alleging gender discrimination. Cambridge police responded to the ruckus in full force, dispatching two patrol cars and a paddy wagon in addition to a faithful HUPD vehicle. Upon the officers’ arrival, a mass exodus of the bar ensued. “I thought it was an ID raid. We bailed,” said a leggy sophomore blonde. “I don’t know anything about Michigan, and do I look like a Gretchen?”
APS
DUFFED
The New York Post, where Dick Gephardt is currently vice president, reported last week that Haylie “The Other” Duff, sister of Lohan-hater Hilary, was overheard dropping the H-bomb at the Sundance Film Festival, telling friends she’d been accepted at our fair school. Turns out she meant the, cough, extension school. Not to be out-Duffed, Hilary decided to jump on the bandwagon, writing on her e-dairy that she, too, would be "attending" classes on the internet. "The teachers film their lectures then link it to the web and I can watch them teach and take notes from my computer," she gurgled. Yeah, us too.
MMG, APS, ZMS
