Dear FM’s Amateur Ethicist,
I bought a friend a number of gift vouchers to About Hair. Recently, I learned of the prostitution allegations Cambridge police have levied against the shop, and I’ve been struck with guilt. Should I tell him about the shop’s dirty goings-on? Should I be concerned for him or his safety? I feel really embarrassed about the situation.
Thanks,
Ms. Worried at the Breakfast Table
Dear Ms. WBT,
I understand that you’re concerned that you patronized a shop that may have broken the law and degraded women. It’s difficult for us to extricate ourselves from the idealistic Harvard bubble, to realize that an often imperfect world exists outside of our ivy-covered walls. To have such degrading, illegal—and, yes, kind of hilarious—behavior going on is a shock to our post-Calvinist, post-modern, post-feminist ideals.
I also get the sense that you harbor some tacit guilt for supporting this illegal trade. Your dollars were used, maybe not for the act(ion), but certainly for the scissors. Moreover, you haven’t just hurt yourself, you’ve hurt your friend. You must make him aware of the moral, ethical, and medical ramifications of his patronage of the shop. Inquire as to his well-being. For instance, ask if he’s feeling guilty. Ask if he ever felt uncomfortably propositioned while in the establishment. Ask if there’s any discomfort, you know. Showing that you care should be apology enough.
And don’t worry too much, Ms. WBT. You’re experiencing what we could call collective moral guilt; your actions contributed to an ethical dilemma for which you have no direct fault. You may subliminally feel that your patronage was a kind of consent. Thus, while you know that it isn’t your responsibility, that you’ve done nothing “wrong,” the implications of your actions linger. Like, this one time, I nicked this girl’s boyfriend, but I just made him realize that there are other fish in the sea and that sometimes they don’t feel constrained by social-sexual normative behavior.
I think, Ms. WBT, that your ethical self-redemption hinges on the fact that you had no idea of the “goings-on.” But come on, Ms. Matlock. The creepy furniture and leering shopkeep. The alternately repressed and navel (fly?)-gazing or flushed-faced and elated-yet-guilty clientele? Body language! Back to sixth grade with you!
Plus, you shopped there?! You’re the first one I’ve met. Strange, Ms. WBT. I think there’s something else that you really wish to disclose or confess. You’re seeking public, official (if anonymous) confirmation that you’re at rights. I think that your collective moral guilt is a personal moral guilt.
I’m not your mother’s ethicist. I know I called prostitution degrading and illegal, but I understand the contemporary sociological arguments for it as a legitimate trade. I want you to know that it’s okay, Ms. WBT. It happens to plenty of people, just not usually ones at elite academic institutions. Like, there was this one time that I was totally trolleyed after drinking this blue stuff, maybe Hpnotiq, out of a Nalgene and there was this dreamy, so rich guy who was like, “It’ll only take a minute,” and he totally helped me snag this internship. Tell him you’re sorry and forgive yourself while you’re at it! I’m sure the payoff was more than decent.
With sincere interest and hope that we all can reform,
The Amateur Ethicist
