The Skinny: CYBER-SCHMOOZING
Harvard President Harry S. Winters’s bounding leap into the world of online instant messenging has sent reverberations throughout the academic and policy worlds. Winters’s buddy list includes OralOffice69, FedReserve4Life and HBombgirl7. Conspicuously absent is hiphopprof10. Winters’s is rumored to have IM-ed hiphopprof10 with a plaintative, “R U still mad at me?” He was promptly blocked by the (still) irate prof. Guess there won’t be any friendster-ing between the two anytime soon.
TAKE A LAP
If the early morning scene at the corner of Mt. Auburn and Plympton on Tuesday was any indication, Harvard should make a good showing at next week’s Boston Marathon. Well, at least for the first 400m. That’s how long the band of naked sprinters logged in their frenzied sprint around the perimeter of the Quincy courtyard in what has become a Tuesday morning (4 a.m.) ritual performed by the naked, conscious and oddly energetic among Quincy’s student bodies. With little other than their manhood and dignity to weigh them down, the Quincy 400 boys made an impressive showing, though still came in a distant second to Bianca E. Richmond ’06 who managed to completely overtake them as she set a record setting pace in the Fox 1000. Richmond, having misplaced her shoes, her skirt and her shirt throughout her drunken prowl for a nice Fox boy to go home with, swears she circled campus, “like a billion times.” Now that’s a marathon.
FOXY LADY
It seems that the men of the Fox have made toying with the heads of drunk girls their official club sport, as Samantha B. Garner ’07 also fell victim to their collegiate hijinks—in this case, a game called “Make the Drunk Girl Take Pictures of Herself.” To the dismay of the referees, their contestant was drunk enough to play the game but perhaps a little too drunk to play it well. Though Garner was able to use one hand to unsnap her bra and the other to snap a nice pictorial record for her scrapbook, she lost her digital camera right next to her self-respect somewhere in the beer sodden recesses of the Fox basement. But on the bright side, Garner can now order prints of herself from the Kodak website.
INTO THE MINDS OF PERVERTS
Drina L. Chan ’06 has become notorious for her dirty little fetish, which has sent many a hook-up into feverish personal deliberations over the merit of remaining faithful to widely held mores of personal hygiene versus realizing a long-held childhood fantasy ingrained in those days of heightened scatological awareness prior to potty training. Things have gotten really down and dirty, however, since Chan got together with Chris Bryson ’05, whose sexual repertoire was similarly shaped by Psychology 101.
EYE CANDY
Truth in advertising is one of the bedrocks of American business practice, and Will R. Garcia ’04 believes everything he hears on TV. After two hours of freak-nasty, Garcia thought it might only take a Snickers bar from the The First Chance Dance to make Nouga T. Barr ’04 stop waiting. Unfortunately, she’s still hungry.
RING ME
After spending months lobbying her fiancée for just the right Tiffany engagement ring with engraved platinum band and a massive 24k center stone, Angie C. Shoemaker ’05-’06 is now faced with the tricky task of convincing him that engagement rings are but ephemeral tokens of an eternal love.
