Winter seems to be in its dying days. But to make damn well sure that winter is vanquished to the cold, dark hell from whence it came, Gossip Guy has amassed a not insignificant arsenal of flame-throwing lies, Molotov innuendos and low-yield nuclear rumors.
Friends 4 Ever
The meteoric popularity of thefacebook.com has raised the question in many minds as to what constitutes a facebook friend. With a mere 11 friends, Grace M. Boorstein ’06 claims to only include her inner circle so as to oppose “the transparent extension of Harvard uber-competitiveness to the sacred institution of human friendship,” but she really just doesn’t have any friends. With 185 friends, everybody’s favorite man-whore, Dominic San Sebastien ’05 only includes the girls (and one guy) he’s hooked up with and, to show there are no hard feelings, their boyfriends on his friends list. With 414 friends and counting, Jermaine Beatty ’04 clearly just spends his days sitting by his laptop indiscriminately friending people in the faint hope they might accidentally click “accept” as they reach to scratch their chin quizzically while futilely scanning their mental facebook for the name Jermaine Beatty.
Twister anyone?
Last week, a couple of residents of DeWolfe used facebook.com to host a “private get-together” for Harvard’s gay male community, with the guest list and e-mails furnished courtesy of the search engine of thefacebook.com. Even during the fete’s early moments, there wasn’t much by way of awkward introductions or meaningless chit-chat, as everyone was already fairly well acquainted with each other’s political views, interests and favorite quotes. Indeed, by the end of the night, there wasn’t much, if anything, that hadn’t been shared by most of those in attendance.
punk·ed pun-ngk-d (v. tr.)
According to Urbandictionary.com, to be “punked” is to be “made fun so bad that you have nothing to say back.” According to Gossip Guy, being truly punked means having your blockmate/best friend steal your girlfriend of three years and then suddenly cancel a long planned ski vacation with you in order to spend more quality time with her, leaving you to venture off to Park City alone because the entire non-refundable trip was on your Mastercard and then forcing you to find an alternate way home from Logan because he “borrowed” your car from the airport parking lot using the spare set of keys you unwittingly left in your top dresser drawer and then alerting you to this fact with only a terse voicemail stating that he would be unavailable to pick you up in your own car because he had taken it to New York in order to lavish the woman you once believed to be your soulmate with a romantic weekend in the big city.
tri·an·gle tri-ng-el (n.)
Despite having this long train of injustices inflicted upon him, Daniel F. Haffner ’06 hasn’t made much of an issue of the matter because he doesn’t want to jeopardize the sex he’s still getting on a regular basis–from his blockmate.
The Following Gossip is Rated "X" by the Gossip Association of FM
After inviting Shira D. Bhupati ’04 over to watch the movie Unfaithful with him, Hank J. Dillinger ’04 proceeded to stop at each sex scene and replay it over and over and over to give Bhupati a little hint of what they could maybe do with each other on the futon when the movie ended. Though life may in fact imitate art, it appears not to do so as much like a trained monkey as Dillinger had hoped. After the third run-through of the fourth sex scene, she made her way to the door. However, to Dillinger’s excitement, she neglected to take her DVD with her.
P.S. Gossip guys sends his props to Vanessa Dube ’09 for taking charge.
