Gossip Guy wants to thank all thesis writers for sacrificing of themselves to make a meaningful contribution to the sum of human understanding and, of course, for taking as many opportunities to remind others just what a sacrifice they have made. In honor of the cause of knowledge, Gossip Guy will do his part by researching some hackneyed lies, cut-and-pasted rumors and improperly cited innuendos.
HELP WANTED
Very much in love, preppy hetero couple getting into underground Harvard swinging scene and looking for an able-bodied third to join in hot times. Must be fit (disease-free) and naughty, but not a freak. Into all scenes. Hygiene a must. Prior ménage-a-trois experience preferred. Please send picture and brief description to eleanorrigby_27@hotmail.com. Will reply with relevant info if interested.
CDLXXVI
Though a late entrant into the social Olympiad that is thefacebook.com, Vito Giuliani Mussolini has made up for lost time with a 62-hour straight friending blitz that has amassed a whopping 476 friends as of press time. In Gossip Guy’s unofficial tally of just who on campus has the most free time on his hands, Giuliani is now second only to Andrew Burr (with over 500), having surpassed Jermaine Beatty , who was the early favorite to claim the gold.
FIRE IN THE HALL
Spee is apparently what one does in one’s pants after stumbling down the stairs of your exclusive all male final’s club to discover that the oversized stuffed bear in the foyer is engulfed in flames. At a recent Spee event, decorative candles placed at the base of a giant and highly flammable stuffed bear were amazingly toyed with by drunken guests, giving Smokey something to really complain about. One of the many Spee’s to flee, Wes E. Stroberman ’04, claims to have been inspired to go outside and have a cigarette upon encountering the fire. When asked if he had been at all inspired to also extinguish the fire, Stroberman reported, indeed he had, but only after putting his cigarette out.
COMING OUT ON THE WASH
Campus Politico Steve Sheen ’05 is truly serving the pleasure of the body politic, or at least fifty percent of it. It seems that while Sheen might be a mild-mannered campus bureaucrat by day, he is indeed a promising leader of the student body by night, at least according to the half-dozen unsolicited appraisals of Sheen’s bed time performances that Gossip Guy has received from the highly satisfied women of Harvard, who are ever mindful of the power of positive reinforcement. How does he find the time to brush up on his tantra amidst his busy schedule? Multi-tasking. Last week, Sheen was observed in the Kirkland laundry putting in a few loads while waiting for his wash cycle to finish up.
