YOU GOT SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE
Never a dull night at Tommy’s House.
Of Pizza, that is. Harvard’s female social clubs struck the latest blow in their ongoing quest for devoted space on campus by filling the grade-C pizzeria one recent Monday night. The faux-tattooed curlicues emerging from the corners of their eyes—one would-be deity noted the adornments resembled those of a certain Egyptian goddess—screamed Chic.
But that’s not the only thing that was screaming! The girls spent at least ten minutes shrieking, dropping slices of pizza on the floor and drunkenly howling their very own versions of Ashlee Simpson’s “Pieces of Me” (hey, it beat the SNL version) and “Sunny Days,” the theme from Sesame Street. It was like karaoke, except with the Tommy’s night manager’s baritone cries of “MOZZ STICK!” every ten seconds instead of shitty backup music.
LARGE GARDEN SALAD!
—Michael M. Grynbaum and Zachary M. Seward
WHO? US?
It was too ironic to be true.
“HARVARD HOOLIGANS,” blared the Boston Herald on its Nov. 22 front page, two days after the lamest and tamest Harvard-Yale tailgate since 1944, when there was no fucking tailgate. (It’s true! We may have coddled high-ranking Nazis in the 1930s, but when World War II rolled around, our boys were on the front lines—or, err, somewhere near the front lines. We’d heard about those front lines, that’s for sure.)
The Herald’s Harvard-hating headline—which ran with the subhead, “Cops vow crackdown on rowdy drunks,” and appeared above a picture of pugnacious Pacer, Ron Artest—helped boost sales of the 50-cent rag, which sold out before noon at 7-11 in the Square, according to an employee who wouldn’t give his name but would sell Gadfly a Slurpee.
—-ZMS
WE SUCK! ...AT NOT BEING AWESOME
So we’re told a kennel of Yale students pulled off a massive stunt at The Game, tricking two thousand Crimson fans into holding up construction paper spelling out “WE SUCK.” Yale’s student newspaper reported the hoax Monday, and the pranksters put up a website (www.harvardsucks.org) complete with video documentation and posters for sale (way to sell out, fascists).
On the other hand, we’re talking about the Internet and the Yale Daily News here: not exactly what Thomas Jefferson had in mind when he stressed the importance of a robust press. More importantly, we have no recollection of any of this actually happening—and apparently neither does anyone else. Gadfly has yet to find a student who vividly recalls seeing the alleged incident of unwitting Harvardian self-deprecation (most of the time we’re pretty conscious about it). And us here at FM certainly didn’t see nothin’…but on the other hand, we were totally shitfaced.
Unfortunately, based on the available evidence there seems to be only one conclusion: we got served. Hard and raw. If collegiate rivalries were played out on the runway, we’d be the model that trips on her heel and falls into Joan Rivers’s lap. If this had been Ec 10 lecture in Sanders Theatre, we’d be the cocky first-year bitch-slapped by Marty Feldstein’s invisible hand. Hell, if we were in post-Saddam Iraq, we’d be the United States.
All this, of course, can only mean one thing: It’s ON!
Actually, not really. Frankly, it’s still off. Gadfly doesn’t really feel the need to retaliate because after all, they go to Yale. The joke, as always, is on them.
—MMG
IVY RAP WARS
“You wanna talk about Cambridge, here’s a picture, let me paint it: Harvard sucks, and its campus life ain’t shit.”
Teo and Samita’s campaign slogan? Not quite. This one is courtesy of our friends in New Haven. “The Game 2004 (Fuck Harvard),” a special release by Yale rap squad 108 Tongues, dropped days before that glorified cockfight went down at Harvard Stadium.
The group features verbal Claudius and Yale sophomore MC Platano—writer of such previous gems as “Pierson Sucks Dick” and “Pierson Still Sucks Dick”—and a trio of wannabe hip-hoppers rapping over a sample of Nas’s “Hate Me Now,” spinning rhymes an SAT tutor would be proud of.
Here’s a sampling:
“We at the tailgate in heavyweight, U-Hauls from
out of state/ Crates of Bacardi to save the party stuck in dire straights/ Larry H. Summers doesn’t want this dauntless/ Crew from New Haven to come to Cambridge and flaunt this/ Flow that’s been known to break your face like glass.” Now we don’t want this to turn into a Tupac-Biggie thing. After all, we’ll all be working at the same law firm one day. You can legally download 108 Leagues tracks at pantheon.yale.edu/~jgc23/.
-—MMG and ZMS
Send your tips, frivolous gossip, and gratuitous rumors to fmgadfly@yahoo.com
