Time since the town of Hamburg, NY, which purports to be the birthplace of the American-style Hamburger, was offered $15,000 worth of non-meat vegetable patties by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) in exchange for the town renaming itself “Veggieburg”:
4,320 Minutes
Time since the town was founded and received the name of Hamburg, which a spokesman for PETA suggests “conjures up visions of unhealthy patties of ground-up dead cows”:
100,389,600 Minutes
Time it took local police to arrest Anthony Scholfield, a student at the University of Wisconsin, after he entered a basement window of a local apartment complex (as an officer looked on from the street) in what he claimed was a harmless “panty-raid”:
2 Minutes
Time it took police to gather the over 800 pairs of women’s underwear scattered about the suspect’s bedroom after receiving a warrant to search his home:
60 Minutes
Time that a man recently spent loudly chanting “Make me Dinner” in counter-protest of a speech made by the feminist activist Martha Burke protesting the discriminatory membership policies of the Augusta National Golf Club during the recently held Masters Tournament:
10 Minutes
Time before reporters, who rushed to interview the man after his removal by police, realized that his name was not in fact “Heywood Jablome,” a realization made only after the name was widely publicizing in both print and on television:
1,440 Minutes
Length of the recent Spring Fling festivities at the University of Pennsylvania which included such popular acts as Busta Rhymes and Jurassic 5:
300 Minutes
Expected length of the upcoming Spring Fling festivities at Yale University, which will include such popular acts as Wilco and Nappy Roots:
360 Minutes
Amount of time that diamond, platinum, or gold selling recording artists will appear on stage at this year’s Harvard Springfest:
0 Minutes
