...It’s Halloween today, and for Gossip Guy this special time of year always means candied lies, mask-wearing rumors and egg-soaked innuendo...
...Noted sketchball Justin N. Blatt ’04 met someone whose skankiness so far exceeded his own that Blatt’s “sketch threshold,” which has been theorized but was never thought to actually exist, was reached. In Blatt’s words, “This girl I’ve talked to for maybe 10 minutes over the course of two years came up to me and was like, ‘I want to hook up.’ And I’m like, ‘Word!’ But then she tried to get some weird double-team thing going with this homeless-looking guy [Fred D. Siu ’00-’03], and I was like, ‘Thanks but no thanks, ho-bag.’” Blatt was later seen asking a girl eating a cheeseburger sub at Noch’s if she wanted his meat on her buns...
...An under-the-weather, constantly sneezing, haggard and crazed-looking Will C. Benstein ’03 is sick of people telling him that he looks like shit. Comments Benstein, “Blech [snort]”...
...VIRUS UPDATE: Jamie Y. Almeida ’05 caught the flu last week...L. Jon Sterrit ’06 got a cold...Elliot K. Silver ’03 got the itch...
...Friends working to set up Jim R. Steward ’03 have rejected their initial prospect upon learning that she’s not as slutty as their needs dictate. “This is Jim we’re talking about,” noted roommate Alan R. Avner ’03. “We’re going to need someone with way lower standards than that.” Steward’s chastity streak reached an all-time low when he was kicked out of an orgy by a disgusted Christina Aguilera...
...Speaking of Christina Aguilera, Gossip Guy was as surprised as anyone to see that she got permission to film the “Dirrty” video in the stankest, skankest place on Earth: the Owl basement...
...Wannabe rapper Casey B. Weinstein ’03 asserted last Friday morning that “Chase Manhattan endorse[s] my mic checks.” This claim was directly contradicted by the events of Friday afternoon, during which representatives of Chase Manhattan, Fleet Bank, Cambridge Trust, Felipe’s Fresh Pond Check-Cashing Service and Supreme Liquors of Central Square refused to endorse Weinstein mic checks. “That kid’s got flow like molasses going uphill,” commented Felipe...
...Sandy Dee ’04 has recently started to rekindle a summer fling she had with the leather-clad and rebellious Danny Zuko ’04 despite her earlier claims that “it turned colder—that’s where it ends.” Some observers have begun to speculate that the seams of the pair’s summer dreams may only have been tugged, rather than ripped as had been initially reported...
...It’s weird how much Missy Elliot talks about the dick in her new song. I always thought she was a super-lesbian...
...NON-GOSSIP OF THE WEEK: Stacy P. Somers ’06 was up all night studying for her “Cold War” midterm. “If I had just kept up with the reading, I wouldn’t have been awake all last night,” she reflected...Tim E. Grayson ’04 thinks the dining hall hot dogs are the worst he’s ever had. “I don’t really understand why it’s true,” he said, “but it’s definitely true”...Henry J. McCay ’03 believes he could have made varsity baseball if it wasn’t for his knee injury. “Too bad I injured my knee,” he commented...
