...It’s midterm time for Gossip Guy. More than a few all-nighters have left him with bleary lies, unkempt rumors and three days’ worth of shaggy, unsightly innuendo...
...“Isn’t it strange,” mused literature concentrator Alexander R. Jubinski ’03 in an e-mail to Will C. Benstein ’03, “that e-mail causes so much miscommunication, and yet it’s the backbone of communication here?” Benstein’s response: “what??? i don’t need this shit right now...Go to hell!!!”...
...Lisa F. Crane ’05 always wants to go out, always wants to wear revealing outfits, and always wants to lead guys’ eyes toward her impressive cleavage. But she never wants to hook up. “I just want to go out, get my drink on, and get my celibate on,” she said...
...Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez rolled into Redline on Saturday. Unfortunately for total sketchball Brian M. Bringiz ’03 and every other guy who entered the club with the intention of engaging J-Lo in a freak circle, she remained perched on Affleck’s lap the entire time. “It was total bullshit,” says Bringiz. “I’m like, Hey J-Lo, quit being such a snob and let’s get grindin’. But she wouldn’t.” Talk about a diva...
...Xavier P. Cashman ’04 keeps falling for the old “dickfor on the shoulder” joke. Commented Cashman: “Huh? What’s a dickf...wait...damn!”...
...First-year proctor James R. Alourde ’98 is constantly scandalized by what he reads in Gossip Guy. “Tut, tut,” he tut-tuts...
...Jeff Y. Shankar ’04 has been sleeping with Melissa Grafton ’04 for the last three months, but hasn’t told roommates Barry I. Lincoln ’04, Kevin A.S. Quinn ’04 or Enrique C. Vargas ’04. Barry I. Lincoln ’04 has been sleeping with Melissa Grafton ’04 for the last three months, but hasn’t told roommates Jeff Y. Shankar ’04, Kevin A.S. Quinn ’04 or Enrique C. Vargas ’04. I think you can see where we’re going with this...
...JOB HUNT UPDATE: Marc A. Ryder ’03 can’t talk about anything but investment banking even when he wants to. Commented a disturbed Liz D. Wellbridge ’05, “Why did that weird guy just ask me if he could re-finance my global portfolios?”...
...David B. Stevens ’03 fancies himself a modern-day Martin Luther for his refusal to participate in recruiting. The comparison breaks down, however, when one considers that Luther occasionally attended lectures...
...Brandon K. Allis ’03 started out talking about his interest in fashion and ended up telling his interviewer that he “liked watching [his] sister put clothes on.” Allis, who is actually not in favor of incest, apologized profusely and tried to explain that he was nervous and had misspoken, but the damage was done. He’s been assigned to the Arkansas office...
...NON-GOSSIP OF THE WEEK: Mary K. Jennings ’03 hasn’t done as much work as she would’ve liked on her thesis. “I’m so stressed already,” she said...Ellen P. Marks ’05 skipped 10 a.m. lecture on Tuesday. “I could’ve gone, but I figured I’d fall asleep anyway, so I thought I might as well sleep at home”...Frank K. Ellington ’06 had a paper due in his TF’s box at 5 p.m., but when he got there at 5:15, her box was still full of other students’ papers, and he put his on the bottom of the pile. “Heh, heh, heh,” he said...
