...Over Thanksgiving, Gossip Guy reflected on what he has to be thankful for: a cornucopia of Indian-assisted rumors, a smorgasbord of lies, and bountiful, Puritan innuendo...
...Lecture notes recently obtained from the office of Fletcher University Professor Cornel West ‘74 may help explain why the esteemed, Afro-coiffed intellectual appears to improvise much of his material. “The Atlanta Compromise represents...[illegible]...brother, Shakira is such a babe,” wrote West, apparently distracted by the sultry Latino pop star’s “Whenever, Wherever” video on TRL, which he had voted for on MTV.com. “Her pulchritudinousness, gyrational hips and tight-fitting pantalones inspire a generation.” Further study of the notes reveals that West is considering a Shakira-related bonus question for the Af-Am 10 final...
...Christine S. Narnia ‘02 wasn’t going to buy electronics as Christmas gifts, but the delightful banter between Teri Hatcher and Howie Long in a series of Radio Shack ads has turned her around: “When I see how Howie’s interested in football, but Teri’s interested in shopping, well, it just makes me want to go to my local Radio Shack and purchase DirecTV and cell phones”...
...Jim L. Towers ‘04 is comically unable to realize that females lose their interest in him once they sober up. “I’m not sure what she wants from me,” Towers commented about former hookup partner Terry B. Horner ‘03, “but right now I think I’ve got the upper hand in the relationship. The ball’s in my court.” Horner’s exact words ending the relationship with Towers were, “I just don’t want us to see, or talk to, each other ever again”...
...Undergoing what he referred to proudly as a “detox period,” David W. Black ‘02 “pretty much totally” abstained from touching alcohol or drugs over the Thanksgiving holiday, excepting “a few beers” before his plane departed, a bottle of wine during Thanksgiving dinner, whiskey out of the liquor cabinet every night after his parents went to sleep, a small bottle of Bacardi Limon mixed into a concession-stand Coke during a viewing of Harry Potter on Friday and a $20 bag of marijuana split with a high school friend before a night spent watching Animal Planet on Saturday. “I do feel cleaner,” Black said, reflecting on his week of sobriety over drinks Sunday morning at Daedalus, “And I think I’m gonna stay dry”...
...Casey B. Weinstein ‘02 fancies himself a freestyler. “I go to school / but it ain’t cool” he said, adding “Pack a / backpack / fulla / books.” Later, inspired by Ludacris’s “Area Codes,” Weinstein kicked out this magical couplet: “3-1-3 / B-I-G.” Representatives from Will Smith have already approached Weinstein about guesting on the Fresh Prince’s upcoming album, Jagged Little Will ...
...David B. Stevens ‘03 returned home over the holiday break to find that all his old friends have become either borderline drug addicts or born-again Christians. Seeking to find a happy medium, Stevens has begun proselytizing while high. “Jesus, was, like, the original Jim Morrison,” he whispered gravely...
...Non-Gossip of the Week: Jennifer Y. Smith ‘02 was late for lecture and had to sit on the floor. “There were seats available, but they were in the middle of the rows, and I couldn’t climb over people to get in them. So I sat on the floor. Having to write on my lap messed with my handwriting,” she explains...Bill S. Chin ‘05 sat at a left-handed desk in Science Center C on Wednesday. “I really need to rest my elbow on something to write smoothly, and the left-handed desk just didn’t provide that support,” he lamented...Kate V. Bloomgarden ‘04 had to restart her computer after it crashed. “I wasn’t doing work or anything, but it was still annoying,” she reflected...
