…Punch Gossip Guy! Your attendance is requested at a cocktail reception this Wednesday. Dress is coat and tie; dates are welcome. Among the activities: ass-kissing lies, date-evaluating-based-on-cleavage rumors and drunk-‘n’-grabby innuendo.
...According to Nelly, one can mix Bacardi rum with Cristal and be confident that there “ain’t nothin’ wrong wit’ dat.” But there was definitely something wrong wit’ dat for Seth C. Sharpe ‘04 last Friday night, when several cups of the potent beverage left him violently ill. “When I asked ‘Where the party at?’, I never imagined that the answer would be ‘on the floor of my bathroom for six hours,’” Sharpe said, vowing to never again take binge drinking advice from Jagged Edge. “Just to be safe, I’m never touching gin and juice either,” he added...
...Rap fan Casey B. Weinstein ‘03 can no longer communicate verbally with anyone besides Snoop Dogg. “Shiznit, pliznouch! Thizzy kizzy to the invizzny demizzy, bizzatch! Damn!” said Weinstein to his Ec-10 TF as they went over a problem set...
…Larry S. Chu ’04 has jerked off in different area codes. “Seven-two-eight! Three-oh-one!” said Larry, pants around his ankles…
…Felix P. Johnson ’03 wants to know if you’ve met his friend Deez. Deez who? “Deez nutz!” he says…
…Sliding into home, Vanessa Y. Chandler ’02 was safe by a mile. But the umpire missed the call, if you get my drift…
...Jason F. Dilley ‘02 brought hottie Anna D. Rivera ‘04 back to his room last night and was mildly disappointed to see that his roommates were home entertaining other guests. “We could’ve hooked up. She was giving me hints that she wanted to get Dilleynated,” he commented. Dilley’s dismay turned to relief when Rivera’s opinions and anecdotes revealed her to be a total psychopath. Added Rivera: “This guy I hooked up with never called me back, so I was like, ‘Look Pastor Thompson, you’re going to see me every Sunday whether you like it or not!’”...
...Gossip Guy’s friend Jim told him this hilarious story about this guy and this girl who wanted the guy to slap her face with his dick, but it’s only funny when Gary tells it and, like, moves his hips...
…It was a textbook case of cockblock-by-a-political-scion when Walter B. Kubisch ’03 had his hopes for getting with righteous babe Virginia C. Macleod ’04 dashed after she confessed to a crush on Al Gore III ’05. Said Kubisch bitterly, “This is worse than the time I was cockblocked by Jeb Bush!”…
…This Mario Kart thing has gone too far! At least, that’s what Yoshi says. “Why must we race endlessly? Could we not use our kart-driving skills for cooperation instead of competition?” Yoshi’s speech ended abruptly when he was battered by a green shell and knocked off Rainbow Road into deep space…
…Virgin Update: C. Alan Elliot ’04 made the leap from Never Been Kissed to Deep Impact last weekend…Kim S. Kilpatrick ’05 finally popped her cherry, lubricated by about a quart of Everclear punch. God, how we wish that was only a metaphor…
