Dear FM,

Thank you for your interest in the Realdoll (tm) personal companion. The answers to your questions are as follows: No, you cannot catch pinkeye from our product. And yes, you can specify the amount of back hair you desire. Also, we are concerned that the measurements you stipulated will cause your doll to be a bit "top-heavy." While we are certainly willing to accomodate this need, just be aware that your doll will be unable to stand or sit without the assistance of a industrial-strength crane.

--Abyss Creations, LLC.

Dear FM,

I am a practitioner of Muay Thai kick-boxing and would like to challenge Adam M. Taub to mortal combat. Anytime he wants to enter my traditional underground octagonal arena and fight to the bitter death, he is more than welcome. Bring it.

--Tong Po

Dear FM,

After reading your article on day-traders I got the impression that most anybody could strike it rich with the aid of Harvard's high-speed Internet connection. After selling my Moral Reasoning textbooks and all of my clothing on EBay, I entered the financial arena in a big way. In one day, I grossed over 6000 percent, just as advertised. Thanks FM!

--Jerry K. Heritt '00

Dear FM,

I am very concerned about the bias of many of your articles. As a racquetball player, I am constantly frustrated by the number of ping-pong articles not only in your magazine, but in Harvard publications in general. As I am sure you will be running numerous articles about the burgeoning realm of racquet sports in the future, please consider the issues from a balanced perspective.

--Susan N. Soriano '02

Dear FM,

I had this really wacked dream about you last night. I was lying in my bed when the window flew open and you came floating in, spread-eagle-like. I couldn't move and you just kept coming closer and closer...do you think that means anything?

--Rebecca H. Geremino '00