Dear FM,

I have taken the liberty of analyzing your magazine’s design acoording to the principles of feng shui.

Good:

Blurry logo on the cover promotes long life.

White text on a black background ensures astonishing success.

Bad:

Full-page class ring advertisement will create much tension...in bed.

—Teng Xiao-Pei ’03

Dear FM,

Many thanks for your hugely informative tutorial on the proper usage of umbrella bags in Lamont Library. After memorizing your dos and don’ts I have been able to approach this decidedly delicate situation with new confidence. I now swing my umbrella around as much as I please without fear of contracting nasty looks from other patrons.

—Peter L. Sagus ’02

Dear FM,

As a prospective pre-frosh, I would like your take on the whole pre-frosh weekend experience thing. In particular, how easy or difficult is it to maintain a social life during all of the pre-frosh activities? Also, how many warm fuzzies do I need in order to win the ice cream social?

—fReEkAzOiD@webtv.net

Dear FM,

I am thoroughly appalled at the insinuations made in your so-called scrutiny on ecstasy. In that article, you implied that a prevalent drug culture exists in Boston and indeed, in Avalon itself! As a bouncer for said establishment, I maintain that our club is a place where young professionals gather to drink in moderation and occasionally “get down” to the latest “phat beats.” Any accusation to the contrary is clearly unfounded and ridiculous.

—Harold M. Niedermyer

Dear FM,

I truly enjoyed reading last week’s scrutiny on ecstasy. But what I really enjoyed was reading last week’s scrutiny on ecstasy, on ecstasy. Now that’s meta. Thanks to FM, and thank you Adam!

—Erica K. Wintermuth ’01