Rumors have been flying about sparks between Prince William and teen pop sensation Britney Spears. They are scheduled to meet up in about

15,840 minutes.

While students congregated by the reserves at Lamont during reading period, WHRB's Bach Orgy lasted

13,260 minutes.

The oh-so-clever pranksters at the Lampoon have held The Harvard Crimson's chair hostage in Iceland for approximately

69,120 minutes.

Presidential candidate Alan L. Keyes '72 agreed to filmmaker Michael Moore's stipulation that the first politico to crowd surf would receive his endorsement. The Republican remained in the air for about

1 minute.

Following defeat at the hands of midwestern footballers, Tennesseans have been nursing their wounded egos for

4,987 minutes.

Let's Go staffers, who lead lives of charm and privelage, recently put out the call for new editors. You can't apply now, though, since applications have been overdue for

1,860 minutes.

The executive producers of "Hardball" witnessed the last running under old management of the Plympton Street presses on Jan. 26. The average press run lasts about

20 minutes.

By March, new technology will allow McDonald's drive-through customers in California to cut their wait for fries and McNuggets by

.25 minutes.

According to the Sun, a British paper, Catherine Zeta-Jones and her fiance Michael Douglas will have their first child in about

237,600 minutes.

After his parents fell victim to mass consumer culture, four-month-old Zachary Jones suffocated on a Pokemon ball from a Burger King kids' meal. He has been dead for

10,080 minutes.

After his gang "allegedly" opened fire on a NYC club, Sean "Puffy" Combs fled with girlfriend Jennifer Lopez. He has now hired O.J. Simpson's lawyer to defend his case. He will be in court on Valentine's Day in

15,840 minutes.

Calling all people who desperately want to appear on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" The phone lines for the current contestant search will close in

10,080 minutes.

Charles M. Schulz, the father of Charlie Brown has retired after 50 years. So Snoopy and Linus have been dead for

28,800 minutes.

After harassment and insult, altercation and despair, Knobler.com has been back online for

27,360 minutes.

If you've made it this far, you've been reading for about

3 minutes.