Presidentis weekend reminds us of our commanders good and bad. With the birthday cake all gone, there is only one real question left on our collective mindoone that turns apart the infrastructure of the leadership within Cambridge and society as a whole: Who is the Sheraton Commander?

On a snowy Friday afternoon, FM set off down Garden Street to solve the mystery behind the elusive and omniscient man. Obtaining a simple interview with the commander proves harder than getting a dalmation in a bathtub. Upon entering the lobby of the posh hotel, I approach Jerry Good, the head concierge. I ask to speak with the commander. Jerry turns and goes to the room behind the front desk, places a call and returns empty-handed. iThis commander, would it be someone on our executive staff?i Jerry asks.

iNo. That wonit do. I need to speak to the commander.i

Jose and Marcos, two hotel employees, are amused.

When I reiterate that I need to meet with the commander, Jerry tries to get smart with me. iHeis outside. Heis been there for about 200 years.i

iWho?i

iGeorge Washington.i

Jerry is referring to a bronzed statue of the first president of the United States, and he explains that George Washington is the Sheraton Commander. I counter that his response seems convenient, as Mr. Washington has, in fact, been dead for many years. Upon pressing, Jerry makes another call.

iI have a guy here whois supposed to have an interview with the commander. Do you know anything about this?i Jose is visibly amused, and Marcos is laughing outright.

I speculate that after George Washington left office, perhaps John Adams became the new Sheraton Commander. iSo now,i I reason, iBill Clinton must be the Sheraton Commander. May I speak with him?i

Sandip N. Bhojani, the night manager, enters the fray. iThe U.S. President doesnit come here, no.i

Jerry says that Sandip can give us an application, if weire interested in filling the position of Commander. iSo then there isnit a commander now?i I probe. iSo, how do you feel about anarchy?i

iExcellent,i Sandip replies.

When I press for an application, asking if they are actually looking for a new commander, Sandip changes the story, iI donit think so.i

Jerry exits a secret door marked iStaff Onlyi calling behind him, iOkay, commander. See you later.i I pry open the door, but it reveals only a hallway and stairs.

Sandip hands me a page of history on the Sheraton Commander. I find out that the rooms have cable television, and more importantly, the hotel opened in 1927. iSo George Washington was already dead!?!i I exclaim.

Sandip mentions that he works 12 to 14 hours a day, and the impression now is that he may be heir apparent to the commander throne. He concedes that he icommands the hotel.i Jerry chimes in that Sandip has a icommanding presence.i

Just when it seems as though we are finally cutting through the bullshit, Jeremy Hoch, Sandipis superior, materializes out of thin air. If Jeremy is above Sandip, then surely Sandip canit be the commander. iSandip is the commander!i Jeremy blurts, unable to contain himself. Sandip is less confident.

iJeremyis the commander,i he pleads.

iNo I am not,i Jeremy rebuts.

The petty arguing ceases when our level-headed concierge friend Jerry brings the conversation full circle. He pulls a picture of him and Al Gore i69 out of the concierge desk drawer. I deduce that the Sheraton must support Gore as the next commander. iNo comment, we donit get involved in that,i Jerry says.

Jerry concludes solemnly that George Washington has and will be the only true Sheraton Commander. iHis legacy lives on as the commander,i he maintains.

iThatis heartfelt,i I say.

iYes, very commanding.i