Dear FM,

Youive given a whole new meaning to the term ibathroom reading.i Usually I just read your publication while on the shitter. But now youire writing articles all about the shitter. Now thatis meta. Iim gonna bust out with that shit in Social Studies 10 section. Suck me, Habermas. Thanks, FM!

oMilton F. Dorman i02

Dear FM,

That red bull stuff you wrote about in your last issue is the best ever I havenit slept for forty six hours straight you know what Iim saying if you know what I mean you know a drink is money when you cant stop shaking man I havenit had such a good time since the last time I did crank at the spee :)

oThad G. Himmelman i02

Dear FM,

How come you guys donit sign your ed notes anymore? Last year I felt like I was really part of the FM family even though I didnit write for or even read FM, I just had my roommate read the ed notes to me. Donit be a stranger...

oJill R. Shein i01

Dear FM,

I would like to see an illustrated guide on the myriad uses of the Chickwich. Examples: coaster, door stop, hockey puck, cufflink, lollipop, clay pigeon, hand warmer, emory board, half of an earmuff, emergency yarmulke, the ipilli (Suck me, Margaret Sanger), urinal cake, sandwich filler, barrier contraceptive.

oJake A. Rubin i03

Dear FM,

I noticed that you shmooshed the photos on both the front and back covers of your magazine. As a morbidly obese male, Iim concerned that you may be presenting an unhealthy body image to thousands of impressionables. Who knows how many youngsters have their heads stuck in vises at this very moment, trying to attain the unreasonable proportions you published last week. For shame.

oGreg H. Dilfer i01